Getting old?

To Care

To care one must offer one’s own vulnerable self to others as a source of healing. To care for the aging, therefore, means first of all to enter into close contact with your own aging self, to sense your own time, and to experience the movements of your own life cycle. From this aging self, healing can come forth and others can be invited to cast off the paralyzing fear for their future. As long as we think that caring means only being nice and friendly to old people, paying them a visit, bringing them a flower, or offering them a ride, we are apt to forget how much more important it is for us to be willing and able to be present to those we care for. And how can we be fully present to the elderly when we are hiding from our own aging? How can we listen to their pains when their stories open wounds in us that we are trying to cover up? How can we offer companionship when we want to keep our own aging self out of the room, and how can we gently touch the vulnerable spots in old people’s lives when we have armored our own vulnerable self with fear and blindness? Only when we enter into solidarity with the aging and speak out of common experience, can we help others to discover the freedom of old age.

– Henri Nouwen

I love reading Henri Nouwen’s words of wisdom (thanks Sister D!). I spend time with him each and every day. As I read the devotional by Henri on 17 October it was just a day after Chet posted the beautiful words and photos with his mom. Damn.

Here is some truth. The time I spent with my father-in-law turned dad – Haney Scott – were among the most precious and dear of my whole life. What a role model. What a man to sit beside and learn from. When I came back from the wars I was broken and I felt like a burden to everyone…but Haney loved me, treated me like a son and…listened. His words were full of wisdom. He told me some hard truths about myself, always out of love. Did I mention he listened? Being there with him as he grew older and became dependent on a few for his well-being – only made me love him more. He appreciated each moment, and was never, ever in a rush. Did I mentioned that he always had time to listen? His last days were a transcendent event and I thank God each every day for the years I had with him.

Haney, thank you for always – listening. You heard what my heart could not even say.

I love you, partner. “Hold down the fort!”.

I’ll see you soon.

Live hard. Love harder. Much harder.

Jim

Proverbs 16:31