As a builder, I don’t find empathy to be a particularly helpful emotion. It too easily puts the wrong things at the forefront of building. If someone is high on empathy, they’re likely to feel another’s pain and seek to alleviate it. This can quickly become an unproductive focus on whatever is causing the pain – i.e. a frustrating spouse, an unfair boss, etc.
The problem is that our job is not to alleviate pain. Our job is to point our clients toward doing the hard work to alleviate dissonance between their beliefs and their behaviors, rather than alleviating discomfort or pain. In fact, the right path may even involve more pain. This is true of you too, leader. The aim of a great leader is not to make them feel better, but rather to make them get better.
Build them to the point they become impervious to the vicissitudes of life. That’s great building. It has little to nothing to do with empathizing with whatever pain they feel. If you want to feel better, call your Mom, she’s likely uniquely good at making you feel better. If you want to GET better, turn toward a truth teller and take on some productive pain.
BUILT TO LEAD 