“Self-esteem is a cultural creation not a human universal.” Certainly the notion that its externally built, is…I believe. The amount of praise heaped on small children in our culture is absolutely bonkers. It’s a river that my wife and I are constantly trying to fight against and wade upstream. We love our son deeply and so we don’t praise him all the time. We aim to let him get immersed in his activities and find internal satisfaction and flow in whatever delights him – not whatever delights us. Not easy. And will become harder the more he’s around friends, family, teachers, etc. That’s ok. I love going against the grain. So much, actually. I believe this is a fight worth fighting.
Same is true in the workplace. When a leader constantly heaps praise a couple of things can happen. 1) it becomes meaningless. Your team hears it so much they tune it out. This would actually be best case scenario. 2) They begin to alter their work toward what you praise. Dangerous. Give direction, yes. AND their best work will come when THEY discover what lights them up and how to do work they love that positively impacts the company.
This doesn’t mean turn into a tyrant and only criticize. Far from it. Show up with your presence, give love, give encouragement even. Stop the meaningless praise. Make it mean something, leader. Offer it when you see them light up around something THEY are passionate about. Below is some core work I added to my core as I got clearer on this for my family. What do you believe and what belongs in your core?
I believe in being sparing with my praise. Not because I don’t love my children, but because I do and I deeply value their ability to find joy in life independent of my praise.
I will be sparing with my praise, as giving as possible with my presence and love.
BUILT TO LEAD 