Forgiveness

I’ve got a client who is writing about forgiving someone who hurt her deeply. She opened up an old wound and is realizing that there’s a lot she’s held on to, to her own detriment. She’s doing some damn hard work to set herself free.

Forgiving someone who has hurt us has very little to do with the offender, I believe. It has far more to do with our own journey and who we want to be. If forgiveness is tied to the offenders actions (for example, I’ll forgive them if they are willing to change X behavior, or if they’re willing to apologize for Y event) that means THEY get to control your hurt, pain, resentment, hatred, anger, etc.

Forgiveness instead is about you letting go of the poison that’s slowly eating you up. Forgiving doesn’t mean continuing in relationship with that person, necessarily. If they are unwilling to change or apologize you are free to walk away. AND if you’ve forgiven them you are free to walk away full of freedom and peace.

Forgiveness is about healing yourself, not healing them.