Happy couples and couples that are on the verge of divorce have at least one thing in common. Acccording to research done by John Gottman, they both have the same amount of “perpetual” conflict. The number is 69. 69 percent of all marital conflict is “gridlocked.” It is not going away. Great couples just like great companies are able to laugh not languish in this reality. The truth is that we all have conflict and in fact we all have conflict that is not going away…ever. The key is how we recognize this fact and what we do about it.
I was with a client today discussing this very fact. Here’s what I told him and would tell you as well regarding whatever conflict you are facing. This is “common sense” but far from common practice. Here it is. Develop the habit of telling your spouse and your team members exactly what you want from them. Stop wishing for them to just magically show up and start giving it to you. Ask for it. Ask for what you want with uncommon clarity. And ask them what they WANT from you!!
Stop trying to fix them. Your spouse does not want to be fixed any more than your team does. Tell them what you want and ask them what they want. Get busy dealing with the conflict that results when you discover that some of what each other wants is problematic. Conflict is not the problem. Perpetual conflict is a reality. Find productive ways to solve what is solveable and forget the rest. Even better…laugh about it!
Stop wishing things were different.
Tell them what you want and ask them what they want.
Deal with it.
You are BUILT TO LEAD.
BTW…What do you WANT?
BUILT TO LEAD 