Rereading Leaned Optimism was the perfect primer for my client this morning. He’s going through a “little” adversity at the moment and was in need of some advice. I listened to him articulate the problem. I nodded in agreement that his problem is a real one. I was especially happy to hear him “look in the mirror” and admit that he wanted to improve his “reaction” to these kinds of adversities. He wanted to react in a way that conveyed his growing belief in himself and his team. He wanted a “safe way” that made sense. He’s a bit of an analytic so he wanted something that took him sequentially from A,B,C to D. He doesn’t like it so much when my intuition and my “tapping” skip a few steps in the process. Got it.
Here’s where we went. I reminded him of Seligman’s work around optimism and extrapolated to resilience. I reminded him of his A,B,C’s.
A is for Adversity. Whenever we encounter an adversity our “little voice” gets loud and powerful. When adversity strikes take a moment and listen for it. Write.
B is for Beliefs. Write what are your beliefs about this adversity. Most of us tend toward “catastrophic” when something goes haywire. We tend to believe that these problems are personal, pervasive, and most deadly, that they are somehow permanent. What are yours?
C is for Cause. Write what your beliefs about your adversity is causing in your thinking. Do your beliefs cause you to want to ACT or to lay down? Do you gain energy or lose energy?
D is for Dispute. The next step is to actually argue with yourself. You might NOT want to do this in a public setting as some might think your NUTS. Write down the facts in your history for why your thinking needs to change.
E is for Evidence. After you have written about your Adversity, Beliefs, Causes, and Disputes harness the evidence to win your case. Look for counter arguments. As you do this you will most likely discover what my client and I have discovered time and time again.
You just might discover that this adversity is NOT going to kill you. This adversity is NOT going to be the thing that kills your company. This adversity is NOT going to devastate you and your family. This adversity is NOT going to define and label you as a LOSER. This adversity, like so many adversities before, will be another opportunity for you to get BETTER.
Next time adversity strikes remember your A,B,C’s. And don’t forget your D’s and E’s either. As you rewrite and rethink you will find yourself choosing to ACT more often. You will gain energ
BUILT TO LEAD 
Chet. . . this is cool. Especially the reminder of how often it is that the recent reading we do for ourselves seems to alway pay such immediate dividends in the lives of others.
And I had a question — what did you mean by your “tapping”?
Johnny,
Thanks for asking. I put all kinds of “Chet” and BTL language in the blog for our builders and clients. I want them to ask. Some do. The sponges mostly. Funny, these are the same ones that GROW the quickest. I wonder if there is a correlation?
“Tapping” comes from the book, Made To Stick. This is one you’ve got to read. It’s a homerun book about making your message sticky. Tapping is what they call it when once we’ve learned something we CANNOT imagine what it’s like to not know it. There example is having someone “tap” a tune out. Have others try to guess the song. Almost none can. As you tap you’ll play the song in your head and NOT believe they can’t get it.
This is an epidemic in the corp world and why we help everyone learn each others language and practice empathy.
Very cool.