Questions

Did you know that at BUILT TO LEAD, we’re big fans of questions?

Why? Could it be that questions are the currency of curiosity? Isn’t curiosity good; filled with possibility, and discovery, and maybe learning something you didn’t already know?

Further, might it be that questions are the foundation of great listening skills? Do you think the world has enough, or too little, of that? Do you think most people feel they are deeply understood–by their spouse, by their kids, by their parents, and especially by their BOSS?

I wonder, is it because we’re all too “smart” to ask good questions?

It may be that many of us think we know ALL the answers, right?

Could it be that we “smart people” FAR prefer talking to listening?

If everyone’s talking, who’s listening?

How smart is THAT?

Are you old enough to remember when Harry Nilson sang “Everybody’s talkin’ at me. I can’t hear a word they’re sayin’…”?

Do you recognize what I call the “smart person’s disease” when you see it? You know, in the meeting but not really there? “Multi-tasking” under the table with the crackberry? Checking email while “listening” to you in their office? Never failing to interrupt a “conversation” with you whenever the phone rings? Thinking a “conversation” is merely waiting for you to finish your ramblings so they can tell you what’s really up?

Don’t “smart people” make you feel great?

Isn’t that a big problem for “smart” non-listeners:  They might be pushing others away?

I wonder if there’s another problem, maybe just as bad: They don’t learn anything new? When everyone’s gone, is the only sound they hear that of their own voice, echoing down the hallway?

Did you know that I’m a reforming “smart person,” trying really hard to SLOW DOWN, shut up, and listen, speaking to ask questions that draw others out? Let them take the stage for a while? Get it off their chests? Give them what Steven Covey calls “psychological air?” Look them in the eye and read them head to toe? Paraphrase what they said and ask them for confirmation that I heard them?

How do you think it’s working? Could it be that I’m learning a ton and they feel better? About themselves? And me?

Want better relationships?

Do you think it’d help if you were a better LISTENER?

Want to be a better listener? What would happen if you did this: Spent SEVEN GOOD MINUTES with someone you care about deeply at your next opportunity and do nothing but LISTEN to them? What would be the effect on them if you asked them questions solely to have them elaborate on what it is they want to talk about, NOT to redirect their thoughts to what YOU want to talk about? What might be the result if you just go with their flow? Lose yourself in them? Give them your full attention? Are you curious to see what happens?

Why don’t you try?

Will you then tell me about it?