It happens in the most trusting partnerships.
It happens in the closest teams.
It happens in the best of marriages.
Friction, as in “Irritation” and “Annoyance.”
Ooh baby. How do you deal with it in order to avoid it becoming a major blow up?
How do you deal with it in order to avoid it becoming even worse than a blow up? What could be worse, you ask? How about a long, slow, simmering, soul-sucking, political feud?
How do you deal with it? Well, you DEAL with it.
Friction creates heat. You know, as in rubbing two sticks together to light a fire?
Today, Chet and I were preparing with Johnny for a gig tomorrow, one that needed a little bit of structure and a little bit of “go with the flow.” Chet and I found each other on opposite sides of the flow.
(That’s another way of saying we were rubbing each other the WRONG way, and were creating some HEAT).
Like a coal fire.
I spent a little time doing a “slow, underground burn” and he mined the hillside to expose it into an open flame.
Once out in the open, the flame burned bright, and we let it burn. Gave it some oxygen. Yeah, baby.
Then we both grabbed our picks and shovels, set up a fire line at the perimeter, and put out the remaining embers.
Both of us finished the day with a new-found understanding and, I think, respect for each other’s DIFFERING points of view.
We DEALT WITH IT.
Hey Chet, I’m SURE it’ll be great tomorrow. Thanks for your openness, generous listening, and candor today.
Now, dear reader, who’s dealing at your place?
Who’s holding the cards close, and who’s bluffing?
Are you mining for conflict or smothering the burn?
Are you working on the issues or just “working each other over?”
Will you be ready when the hillside collapses or explodes?
Are you modeling HOW to fight, and FOR WHAT?
Why? Why? Why?
BUILT TO LEAD 
Sully,
Great post again. Conflict is NOT a thing to be avoided, it’s usually just a conversation to be had. We will have many more on our way to becoming a “community with chemistry.” AND, as long as we fight out in the open in a clear, concise, and direct manner, we have a chance at tasting what we preach. I can smell it coming and can’t wait until next week’s band practice.
I will try to practice being clear, concise, and direct. AND, always with respect. I’ll continue to work on that “respect” thing…
Give and take care,
Chet
“False Harmony” it can lead to a sudden death seemingly coming from no where or a slow quite death of an unlived life of just giving up and making do.
Or, when you wrestle through tough stuff, both and all get stronger. Like life, when you break a bone the mend is actually stronger than the rest of the bone, when you exercise hard you break down muscle and it hurts but then gets stronger. All mean dealing with pain.
In my view so far in my life, seems that when hard issues are ignored or danced around they come to roost ten fold someday.
MM
I got to watch this “Friction” from a front-row seat. All I was missing was soda & popcorn, and maybe a yellow referee flag!
Symptoms of UNDEALT WITH “Friction”? When both of the other parties call you afterwards to explain why they were right and the other is wrong (i.e. to “Defend, Deny, Destroy” the other.)
Symptoms of DEALT WITH “Friction”? When both of the other parties call you afterwards to share what they each learned about themselves and how to better support the other in the future (i.e. to “Accept, Acknowledge, Affirm” the other.)
Thank you Toto and Sully for your living example this week of how much more aligned we can become as ONE by “dealing with” Friction the BUILT TO LEAD way.
Thank you Mike for your insight on False Harmony.