Brothers and sisters…

Brothers and sisters have to learn how to “fight” productively.  Most never do.  As I was talking to one of my clients today, this thought flashed through my mind when discussing one of his team members.  I hope it makes some sense…

My clients team member was telling him about another peer that was not performing.  The team member wanted my client (CEO, Big Boss, Head of the System) to take care of it.  This is normal.  This is, also, the enemy of lasting team chemistry.  It just is.  BTL teams do not run to Daddy to tell him what their brother or sister is or isn’t doing. They tell their brother.  They tell their sister.  Hopefully, over time, through many false starts, through the maturation process, and through the really hard building of this skill, they become brothers and sisters that tell each other the “truth in LOVE.”

The same formula holds true at work.  Do not allow your team members to run into your office and start complaining about what so and so is or isn’t doing.  Stop allowing and enabling this behavior.  Start doing something like this:

1.  The moment they start to tell you about a performance problem with another team member, stop them.

2.  Ask them if what they are about to tell you, they’ve already told directly to their teammate.

3.  If the answer is yes, ask them if they put it in writing so you can see the note, the email, the text.

4.  If the answer is no, tell them to put it in writing and review it directly with their teammate.

5.  If they have had the hard conversation and put it in writing and they still have a problem, tell them you will get in the middle.  Bring the teammate into the discussion and hear both perspectives.  Make sure the problem is a performance problem.  Get both parties to agree to new productive actions to remedy the situation.

Or…

1.  The moment they start to tell you about a performance problem with another team member, stop them.

2.  Ask them if what they are about to tell you, they’ve already told directly to their teammate.

3.  If the answer is no, call the other teammate on the phone and have them come to your office.  Tell teammate 1 to tell teammate 2 exactly what they just told you.  You mediate the conversation and get them to agree to PA to remedy.

4.  You won’t have to worry about them running to you again…

This is not harsh.  This is not mean spirited.  This is how you build a high performance team that runs toward each other to resolve their conflicts.  Every team will have boatloads of conflict.  The best ones become a “band of brothers/sisters” because they have become BTL together.  They’ve learned how to fight to improve performance, not just to prove a point.  AND, they’ve come to realize that they can speak honestly to one another as long as their heart is in the right place, and their head is keeping it focused on performance, not petty insecurities.  Slowly, over time, and with many “fits and starts,” this band will become ONE.

ONE team that is practicing truth in LOVE.

This is the ONE you want…