Yesterday, I told one of my clients to picture himself as a piece of wood, not just any wood either. I told my client to picture himself as a piece of really well aged and dried out piece of hardwood.
My client, you see, has an anger problem and he mostly sees his problem in others. We humans tend to see out the window with 2020 clarity, the mirror, not so much. Back to Woody.
I asked Woody, the next time his partner is all fired up, to picture him as a raging fire. When any human is angry they direct their anger toward another about 90% of the time. They actually need the other to keep their fire stoked.
They need another human to fuel them just like a raging fire needs another piece of wood.
Separate the raging fire from the next piece of wood, and it slowly but surely wears itself out. Study your own bouts of blowing up and you will see almost always you “used” another’s energy to fan your flame. Most times, in the heat of the moment, this isn’t premeditated, it just happens. My client has the really bad habit of correcting his partner and attempting to fix him when he’s a raging fire. You don’t fight a fire by throwing more wood on it, and that’s exactly what he becomes.
Fuel, for anothers fire. Out of control here we come…
It’s not weakness to walk away. It’s not weakness to wait another day. It’s not weakness to be very uncomfortable with the immaturity of another, and not correct them in the moment. It’s not weakness to view the angry partner as a stumbling drunk. It’s not weakness to understand the best approach to fighting anger is NOT with anger of your own.
Remember, high performers learn how to fight the right way. They fight fair. High performers tell the truth. They lead with it. Oftentimes this feels like a punch to the face. They fight to improve performance; not to prove a point.
High performers fight to improve performance.
They don’t sneak around and hit people in the back of the head. High performers want you to see them coming. High performers come straight at you and meet you eye to eye. Their eyes are lit with fire but it’s not a raging out of control kinda fire. Just the opposite. Their fire has a kinda calm conviction even more searing and quite scary, in fact. Scary ’cause you quickly realize they’re coming with a conviction that sees right through your thin veneer. You don’t really want to mess with high performers. You see their fire comes from deep within and it aint going away easily. The bully’s thin veneer is NO match.
Today, at your place of OPUS their are hidden wars going on. People are battling for position and power whether you notice or not. Don’t respond with anger. Don’t respond with apathy. Don’t respond by looking away. Don’t respond with passive/aggressive gossip. STAND. Fight fair. That’ll be enough…
What are the triggers for your outbursts?
What people tend to ignite you?
Why do you feel undone unless you put them in their place the moment they get out of line?
Why don’t you try treating them like a raging fire and use yourself as a cooling agent of sorts?
Why is real strength sometimes as simple as taking a stand?
Why is righteous anger so rare and so beautiful?
Why can we all relate to Woody more than we “think?”
Tell me more, my friend.
Tell me more…
BUILT TO LEAD 