Question Your Own Virtue

In my last post a week or so ago, I tried to make the point that building self-confidence is an exercise of growing comfortable with discomfort–pushing outside one’s comfort zone to embrace deep change to grow. Not only does this help build confidence in making specific changes we may seek–shooting 80 in golf, becoming a relaxed public speaker, getting fit, becoming a better listener, whatever–it also builds one’s self-confidence in general, as someone who knows how to grow. Someone who expects to be uncomfortable, and is comfortable with that fact. This is an essential leadership skill.

We only grow when we combine humility and courage to identify and act on gaps between our ideal selves and our actual selves. Growth, then, is possible only when we have:

a.) clarity of foresight to see what we can become beyond what we are now, and

b.) clarity of insight into who we are at the moment.

Without both of these, it is difficult to imagine how growth can occur. Lacking foresight into who we can become, there is no dream, no hope. Lacking insight into who we are now, there is no impulse to change. When comfort zone is all there is, and challenge zone is unrecognized, slow death begins.

Gaining a vision for who we can become–our ideal selves pursuing OPUS–is an act of courage indivisible from humility, because OPUS says we have a journey to undertake from here and now to there and then. We are not complete, we are not yet done, we have somewhere yet to go.

Gaining an accurate perspective on who we are today–all the features and flaws included–is an act of humility indivisible from courage, because it demands we absorb the pain of the blow to our ego coming from imperfection. We are not flawless, we are not perfect, and we have some repair work that’s needed.

The key to all change is a simple little formula of Discovery—>Disturbance—>Dream—>Do. You must examine your situation. You must be disturbed by the gaps in competence and/or integrity you discover. You must dream the gaps away with goals. And you must decide on and do the productive actions to achieve your dreams.

So the key to growth is the act of will to question your own virtue. This is where discovery, change, and growth begins. If you’re human like me, what you will find when you question your own virtue are gaps–the laziness and fear that keep you from being your best, and the hypocrisy and pride that tell you the lie that you’re fine just the way you are.

Comfort in discomfort–an essential leadership skill.

Questioning your own virtue–another one.

Have I gotten through to you?

Does this make sense?

When was the last time you examined your conscience?

How are you changing, and where are you going?

I hope we meet up on the journey from here to there.