Triple D is the most common strategy, used predominatly by men, to win the war of words with others. Lawyers use this to win over the jury. Salespeople use this strategy to win the deal. Master negotiators use this with great nuance and mastery to make it feel like we’ve actually won. Triple D comes naturally to most men.
Triple D stands for “defend, deny, and destroy.” Mastery of this has been built into us by the system in which we’ve evolved. We have been taught since an early age to defend our position at all cost, to deny any personal wrongdoing or culpability in the process, and to destroy our adversaries arguement with logic, precision, and finality. We want to nuke ’em.
The world rewards this kinda behavior in the world we call work. Not so much in the world we live in called life. Funny, huh…
This morning one of my clients won the battle. He won the battle of words with his bride. He proved his point and defended his position. He also managed to successfully deny the validity of her perspective and her feelings. And, finally, he destroyed her argument with words that left her speechless. Victory.
Defeat, however, is what he felt.
Triple D is NOT the one you want to master, remember. Mastery in the art of living, requires that we develop our “second nature,” not simply feed our self centered natural state. Building mastery in life requires that we learn how to become distinctly who we are, all while remaining connected to those we love in spite of our differences. Our aim, remember, is to become “ONE, distinct and deeply connected.” We only deeply connect with those that deeply understand…
The BTL builder must give this gift first. We must build our second nature. We must learn how to win the heart, not the battle. We must give the gift of understanding even when we ourselves are misunderstood. This is real strength. This is what your loved ONE wants. Give this gift first. Only the strong can.
God, help me listen for the yearning in the voice of my bride. Help me give her the same gift you’ve given me. And, God, help me pass this along humbly to those that follow my words eventhough you and I both know I’ve got a long way to go myself…
God, help me…
BUILT TO LEAD 