Leaders are believers. Leaders are connectors too. These are a couple of our deeply held beliefs at BTL. Let’s unpack a piece of the thoughts behind leaders are connectors.
Leaders, if they are to transform a team of inidividuals into a team that is ONE, distinct and deeply connected, must become master connectors too. We tend to think of the charismatic type as the prototypical connector here. This is part of the puzzle but not a centerpiece, more of a bit piece on the periphery. Funny, huh.
We invest hours and hours trying to learn how to speak words that will stick. This effort is mostly a waste because most humans cannot recall words that were spoken to them after one week. That’s right, 90% of your spoken words have a “termination date” in the minds of your team, your bride, your brother, and your boss that is 7 days or less. Oftentimes, much less.
Master connectors realize this truth and do little sending. Clear, concise, and direct is the speaking recipe we broadcast because it promotes a “verbal economy,” and that’s the currency your constituents understand. The best recipe for CCD, is speaking from your heart and lacing your words with real emotion. Speaking from the heart is the easy part, once you learn to trust yours. That’s for another rant. Now for the hard part…
Listening.
Master connectors understand that this is where the magic lives. Listening, really tuning in, is the signal that separates the manager from the BTL leader. This is the ONE you want and this is the one that takes for freakin’ ever to build.
Everyday you receive hundreds of “bids” for your attention from your boss, bride, brother, teammate, neighbor, and countless others. Bids for attention vary from the mundane to the deeply meaningful and come in all kinda wrapping. Some are easy to decipher and some are sent in some sorta morse code that only the few can catch, much less make sense of. “What do you want to do for dinner, What’s bugging you, Was that uncomfortable for you, Did you see what just happened, Want to go play some golf, Can we talk about what’s going on with Taylor, Would you stop typing and look at me, and on and on go the bids, some large some small.. All are attempts to connect. All require some kinda response. Here are the big three responses.
Move away. Most bids are met by most men with a simple turn. When most women bid for attention from their man, most men turn away. “Say nothing”is an example of moving away. Your bride pours her heart out and you say nothing for fear of saying too much. Your client brings up a tough contract bid and you put off instead of speaking up. You delay your response. This is a move away. Bottom line, this bidder is left feeling left behind.
Move against. Honey, how ’bout some help over here being greeted by “not now, I’m busy and STOP bothering me, can’t you see I’m busy in here,” is turning against. This is move, not just away from your bidder, but against them. The objective is to shut em up and shut down future bids. This bidder is feeling kicked to the curb.
Move toward. This is the one you want. This is the one that takes time and patience. First you have to be mindful to not miss the bid for your precious commodity, your undivided attention. Next you have to be peaceful enough to hear a bid that might rub you wrong,that might trigger an emotional reaction, and calmly move toward the bidder, anyway. The happiest couples and the most productive teams are led by real connectors that chose to move toward the bids of their team as their default. This is some kinda magic and some kinda weird too. Nobody has the time. Nobody, but those that make the time.
Today, you have some bids coming your way. You will move away from most and move against some that feel like a total pain in the butt. Will you move toward a few? Will you move toward more than normal?
Kairos moments are mostly created by paying attention to a bid from someone you LOVE. I am far from mastering the bidding process. I am getting better at moving toward the few. I have a long way to go. God, help me tune in like an animal being stalked, bury my fears, and boldly ask a few to “tell me more, tell me more, tell me more.”
God, help me…
BUILT TO LEAD 