Today, a client asked me why he tends to tighten up when certain folks ask him certain questions. I didn’t respond by giving him the answer. Instead, I challenged him to go three levels of “why” down that question on his own, send me his writing, and, I promised him, the answer will simply show up. We laughed and he agreed.
Today, during another team practice that wasn’t exactly planned, a strong teammate solved her own problem. The solution, however, didn’t just simply show up. The solution had to be pryed out of her with some really good, piercing questions. She had to be effectively challenged to change her thinking. Turns out she was simply collecting her perceptions and had developed a recruiting rut, if you will. She smiled. She had her answer.
And, today, I told another client that he’s taking too long. He was rationalizing his way out of a tough conversation with one of his team. He was beginning to believe his own b.s., I told him. After a brief tussle, he changed his mind. He faced the facts. He scheduled “the TALK” for tomorrow. I’m thinking three for three, baby. Three for three…
Remember, the most transformational leaders are both “curious George” AND “my way IS the highway.” They ask the best arsenal of questions and have developed their own default toward this kinda leading. They bring out the teams best thinking because they refuse to take the tension. They return to sender; the tension that is. This is the power of the curious question. And, when they absolutely know the best way forward and are certain that it’s the highway home, they STOP the questions and give ’em the “my way IS the highway.” CCD it is.
Tons of curious George and just the right amount of highway.
Transformational leaders understand that this recipe, although it may appear to be the longest way ’round, is the shortest way home. Today I passed the tension right back to the senders. I practiced return to sender, if you will. Nobody dropped it. Everybody got better. FM, baby…
BUILT TO LEAD 
One of my earliest BUILT TO LEAD lessons about the brain is what makes “Return to Sender” all the more true.
The brain is like the ant & the elephant. Our conscious brain processes about 60-80 instructions/second which seems incredible until you consider that it is only the “ant.” Our subsconscious processes instructions at 11 MILLION/second — AND whereas your conscious mental functions tend to work FOR your positive sense of self your subconscious tends to work AGAINST you.
Which is why, when you have a “half-baked” idea or question about something, one of the greatest gifts a teammate & fellow builder can give you is to make you WRITE about it … and going deeper with the 3 “WHY?s”. AND ask you “curious questions”. B/c in doing so, you are bringing your subconscious into the light — into your consciousness — and learning to see it anew. And THINK about it in ways that have been stuffed way below the surface.
Going into your subsconscious takes courage. And discipline.
What’s that Emerson (aka Bill Self’s favorite) quote again? “Our chief want in life is someone who shall make us do what WE can.”
Thank you Toto.