Recently, a client expressed his concern regarding his partner. He and his partner are struggling in their relationship and he’s not convinced that his partner can change. He told me that he sees this as a foundational problem. His vision was in need of some correction; he wasn’t seeing his foundational problem.
Your problem is your problem. Your partner, your boss, your buddy, your son, your sister, your bride, or your brother are not your problem. Your problem is NOT another person. Your problem is how you respond, react, and relate to another. Your problem is that you think you see other people’s problems with 20/20 clarity. Your problem is that your thinking is flawed. You cannot see another person’s problem with 20/20 clarity because you cannot see inside another person’s brain, now can you. You and I are not God. Assuming we know another persons problem is kinda like assuming we are God. Yikes.
Your problem is your problem.
Your problem is NOT another person. If you are trying to mediate a problem with a teammate, if you trying to salvage your marriage through counseling, or if you are working on any other relationship in your world, your problem will not get better until you fix your focus. Your focus is most likely misplaced.
You will know this to be true with a simple test. Ask yourself to fill in the blank on a couple statements. Try to answer honestly. This will be hard.
1. My partner needs to deeply change (fill in the blank).
2. I need to deeply change (fill in the blank).
Which statement was easier to complete? Where could you write a book vs. struggle to get out a sentence? Which statement was filled with concrete examples? Which one was top of mind? Which was clearer? Want better relationships? Focus on you. Remember Ghandi. “Be the change.”
God, I think I could use some glasses. My vision needs some kinda correcting…
BUILT TO LEAD 
This is a funny one. Identifying that you are the issue is and has been the most difficult for me. I am the one that needs to change. My wife is perfect and I am the one that needs to change. Talk about some F-ing humility. That is for damn sure. I can look at others and say they need to change very easy. When most of it is me bitching about something. Like this last session with BTL. I brought something up and all I hear is Churp being defensive and putting up a barrier. But if he talked about your work or something you have spend endless hours on and punching him or getting puched you would do the same if not doing it now. I can see others flaws very clear. Yet I don’t really see mine.
Josh Atkinson Consultant
Choice Recovery 614.358.9900 local
800.559.9277 toll free 614.358.9915 fax “Built Different”
1550 Old Henderson Rd Suite 100 Columbus Ohio 43220 http://www.choicerecovery.com
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