John and Julie Gottman are a couple of crazies. They run this place in Seattle known as the “Love lab.” They are trained psychologists and not the soft, squishy types. They tend toward the science of the mind and have developed their own system for predicting who will stay married and who will divorce.
The Spartans trained their citizen/warriors from the time they were seven until they reached the age of eighteen. Age eighteen to age sixty, they simply fought their city’s wars. Spartan warriors were tough and together.
America trains our most elite warriors to become SEALS. By now, we’ve all heard about SEAL team six, the elite of the elite. From the time these warriors enter boot camp to the time they receive the Trident pin is a full two years. Two years of hell so they can earn the right for a career of one hellish job after another.
What do Spartans, SEALs, and high performance teams share in common with couples that stand the test of time? Funny, it’s most likely not what you think.
High performance teams have an abundance of real struggle going down; couples will as well. Normal teams get irritated, go turtle, or get lazy when overwhelmed. They loathe their position and blame their partner, boss, or brother. Normal. Spartans, SEALs, Strong couples, and high performance teams do just the opposite – they learn to laugh not loathe. Not normal but kinda funny when you think about it.
Want a better team? Teach yourself and your team to laugh when it gets tough. If it’s going to be funny in 5 years, laugh about it now. Take your work seriously; yourself, not so much. STOP catastrophizing your conflict with your love and see “it” separate from them. Becoming ONE is about learning to laugh while we struggle.
Learning to laugh.
The Spartans knew this. They taught their young to laugh when insulted. SEAL trainers know this. During hell week at BUD/S, SEALs in training can get out of the ice baths by telling jokes. If they can make the leader laugh the pain ends. And, John and Julie Gottman know this. Their research proves that emotions have the power to move us either toward or away from another. According to their work you and your spouse need a ratio of 4-1 (positive-negative emotions) if you’re gonna last. So, what are you learning? Learning to laugh or learning to loathe? You choose. Your choices have consequences.
Today, in practice 53, JZ answered some tough questions with some really funny answers. Kramer made us all laugh. Who knew his childhood cows would someday be a catalyst for keeping a team of crazies together.
Funny, huh…
BUILT TO LEAD 