You and your loved one have a wiring problem. You are both wired to “belong and become.” Deep within all of us we are wired to belong to another, to a family, to a community, to something bigger than self. We know we are NOT meant to go it alone. We are wired to belong. And, deep within all of us is a desire to become. We are meant to mature and become “autonomous.” We are wired to become. Our signals are not crossed, but they are in conflict. As we evolve in our thinking we are able to marry these thoughts. This intertwining effort will be painful.
Acutely.
And then we go and literally marry another. Talk about getting your signals crossed. So, do not be surprised if you struggle the most with the one you love. This is part and parcel to every relationship of any kinda depth.
The peaceful coexistence you are aiming for doesn’t come from an endless array of “bon bon’s.” Chocolate is good, more chocolate is probably better but it doesn’t deeply satisfy. Something sweeter or something stronger won’t do the trick for long either. We are meant for deep, meaningful relationships and we don’t build those on easy street. Becoming distinct and deeply connected will require that we go through a “dis” or two along the way. This will hurt and we’ll feel more alone than ever. We want to suck on something sweet or drink something strong but it won’t translate to transformation within or with another. We will have to swallow hard and move toward another anyway. We will have to deeply connect when we feel we’ve been wronged. We will have to hang in there when we’re being greeting by “get lost.” We will have to learn to hear the yearning enveloped in the nastygram shell.
All transformational relationships are built when someone, someone hurting, someone on the brink of losing it, someone tired, and someone very human and used to getting things his or her way, makes a crazy decision. A crazy decision that doesn’t fit their normal paridigm and may or may not be greeted with a smile or kind word. What is this crazy decision that every couple, every company, and every community needs to catalize it toward becoming ONE? Simple. Somebody has to choose to lose.
Choose to lose.
God, help me see the wisdom in losing more. God, help me learn to understand victory within allows me to embrace taking second with another. God help me lose. God, help me.
God, help me marry this thought…
BUILT TO LEAD 