Man is it easy to play the victim. I am always perplexed by this one. When I write about taking up residence “just this side of chaos” versus taking up residence in “victimhood” most of my clients hit the SNOOZE button. They are self made leaders. The idea of being a victim is beyond their comprehension. My clients are strong. Victims are simply weaklings who get what they deserve. Victims are weak people that they can’t stand to be around…until I ask them about their homelife.
When the discussion switches from the battlefield of business to the homefront here’s the new melody line. Most start to sound much different than the titans of industry they are. Here’s what I typically hear. “I feel like I’m in LAST place.” Nobody gives ME the attention I deserve. MY wife is always caring for her aging parents, our small children, or HER charity of the month. I just get whatever is left over. I wish….
Here’s my first and only response. I ask them a question. Here it is. This one seems to work. I ask them what their spouse or children would say if I asked them what place they were in. Then I ask my client when was the last time they asked their spouse that question. Next I ask them if they EVER asked their spouse some open ended questions about how they could improve as husbands and fathers. By now we are both growing a bit tired, so I ask them the really simple one. Why not?
And then I tell them they are not the victim of an unloving woman or family. Their feelings are accurate. They are in exactly the place they deserve. This is usually when they look at their watch and realize we are out of time! These are very busy executives.
Truth telling is never easy regardless if you are sending or receiving. However, I think it must be working because most of my clients tell me they NO longer need my help at home!! They’ve got it.
When was the last time you asked your team what place they thought they were in?
How do you know they told you the truth and not what they thought you wanted to hear? Explain.
When was the last time you asked them what you could do to improve as their leader?
When was the last time you asked them to “tell me more?”
When was the last time you let your team teach you?
What place are you in?
BUILT TO LEAD 
I can hear your clients saying “Toto, I think it’s quite time for you to get back in your basket!”
I hear ME saying that as I read this. Root cause? Because when I come home I transform from being “the CEO” to thinking I am the “G.O.D.” only to be surprised there is a lack of worship!
Martin Luther (dead German guy) said “we are blind to the principle that a source can only have one center… when planets all have their own center it’s a huge conflict.” English translation? When we come home with this attitude we are hopeless!”
God help me remember especially at the end of the day when I come home it’s like the 4th quarter which is when most football games are either won or lost. Help me be more like Jesus in my attitude — for even you did not come to be served but to serve.
God save me from myself and let your truth set me free to serve my wife and family with you at the center of my core.