I punched a pair of wussies in the face…

Today, at the beginning of practice 25, I played a really funny song. The track title is, “I punched a Wussie in the face,” and I can’t remember the artists name. We all laughed as I told the story about this song. It was a funny story about one of my cycling friends. We laughed even harder together.

The laughter stopped just as suddenly as it began, however, when I punched a couple wussies in the face. Yikes, Toto was out of his basket again. I called the head of the system a wussie and then I called his partner one too. I told them we were going to play 7 good minutes. This time, however, we were playing 7 good minutes with the aim of surfacing some conflict. Conflict a couple wussies had been burying. So I gave them a simple task. I asked them to write out the top five things they want to receive from each other. They began to write and the rest of the team simply relaxed with their newfound freedom. The teams freedom was short lived. Their job was to observe their two leaders surfacing conflict and write what the saw, felt, and why.

Next, partner told the head of system what he wants and why he wants it. Once he had finished speaking then the head of the system was free to ask questions for clarity. He began to question with his mouth and judge with his body. He began to cut off his partner mid sentence. He began to get frustrated. His body gave him away. It was a good practice, anyway. Instead of taking 7 good minutes it took a bit over 37 minutes and we only had the time to go in one direction. Think they got a little buried beneath the surface?

You do too…

Remember when you practice hearing your partner tell you  what they want, the first time and the second and for quite a few after – do NOT ask them to provide you with a specific example. They won’t be able to in the moment. This will piss them off. This tells them you aren’t letting it in. STOP this habit. Simply ask them to tell you more and eventually tell them what you heard them say. They will feel heard.

Partner told head that his body language told him that head was pissed and partner felt the drilling and getting interrupted and felt himself starting to shut down. Partner didn’t particularly feel he had been heard. Next, I asked the team of wussies to tell their leaders what they observed. “They both feel misunderstood. Strategist vs. tactician relationship was next. You two lack common vision and goals. The brick and mortar was clarified but now it’s changing. Head to partner, partner to Seth and so on. Rich was full of good observations. He sees the vision collision. Jeffrey observed conflict that came from two people who he thought had it all together. Jeffrey noticed head got on edge when his idea didn’t come through. He noticed head tense up. Seth observed they don’t know each other’s why. Start with more clarity here. Vision collision again. Smoker wrote that they are both leaders and have a hard time being led by the other. Wussies both of ’em. Smoker felt they were both holding back. Rich sees head as an investor and partner as the entreprenuer. Good. True billy.”

Jenny, the quiet one, spoke ccd when it was her turn to speak. “There shouldn’t be this kinda tension. You haven’t defined your role well enough.” Amen, Jenny. Amen.

John said they both have a long way to go. Different business philosophy, he heard. He doesn’t see some of these things changing. He’s right. Head and partner have a long way to go and they’ve already come quite a ways just to be able to tell each what they want and question for clarity, regardless how rough the process. Vision collision is a part of every healthy system just as it is a part of every eroding one as well. The difference is the healthy ones collide on purpose. They hear each other out. They give each other what the other wants. They hear the bid and respond by giving. Head and partner don’t have to give each other everything that the other wants, nor could they.

Happy couples and happy partners just give a bit more today than yesterday. Slowly, overtime and through all kinda bids both fruitful and failed, these distinct and disconnected transform into distinct and deeply connected. Today, during practice 25, head and partner made some progress toward becoming ONE,distinct and deeply connected. This is the one you want, my friend. This is the one…