Remember to acknowledge you’ve heard someone when they send you communications. Communications is a two way street, remember. One side sends and another receives. Simple, right? Today, however, during practice 96 we had a front row seat to a communication conflict.
One person sent a message. Another person received it. The conflict came in the silence. Let me attempt to illustrate this by going way back to my CompuServe roots. This could be kinda funny too.
CompuServe built a communications network,back in the day, that was designed to only carry data. In other words, this network wasn’t built to handle any voice communication – only the communication from computer to computer. The network was comprised of computers (called Micronodes) distributed around the world. The magic of this data network was it was shared – public if you will. So, lots of companies were able to share in the cost which made it economical before the free dom we know as the Internet.
The basic protocol that kept everybody’s data from getting lost or sent to the wrong place was the key. Every node was smart. Not as smart as you and me, but intelligent none the less. So every time one node “talked” to another it followed a very specific protocol. The receiving node sent “ACK” to the sending node and computer to computer they compared bits to make sure what was intended actually showed up. Smart, huh. If the sender got no “ACK,” they simply sent it again. No ack; no go. ACK; we go. The network worked amazingly well because this protocol assumed nothing. The network worked because every node was smart. FM, baby.
We humans aren’t micronodes (we’re smarter) but we could learn a little from these ancient machines and the protocol that kept the system together.
ACK?
Got it can be amazing. Got it? Got it, and, I’m working on it can be even better. Got it, and, thanks for sending and here’s when you can expect to have your request fulfilled is better yet. Got it, and, I’m not sure what you mean can be really good. Got it, and, lets TALK can be the convo that cuts conflict from creeping to the surface. Nothing, however, leaves the sender kinda hanging like a node with no ACK.
Remember, just because you’ve heard someone or read their text/email doesn’t mean they know this. You are smart enough to know this, right? Got it can be FM, baby.
Got it?
BUILT TO LEAD 
ACK – Got it! Thanks Chet. (As one of Kary’s tribe, I most likely should know but what is FM? )
Love you posts.
Pam Costa 239-821-0801
Got it!
Hey Pam,
FM is code for freakin’ magic. Thanks for asking.
Talk soon,
Chet
Toto I’m having flashbacks in full-duplex following the adaptive routing of your brain’s least time path…
ACK stood of course for “ACKnowledgement.” One of our favorite authors John Gottman defined “emotional intelligence” by the calculation of our ratios of positive ACKs to the messages or “bid units” of others. The higher your ratios, the higher your Emotional Intelligence. When we don’t ACK a bid, we DIS it …. i.e. either DISapprove it, or far worse, DISmiss it with silence. And when someone’s bid is DIS’d, they feel DIS’d …. and unlike the CompuServe micronodes, we humans will only RE-bid when there is silence at best 25% of the time. 75% of the time or more, DIS’d humans DISengage.
Which is why we practice. Because whether it’s practice #6 or #96, “Together We Improve” as we BUILD our Emotional Intelligence ratios higher. Masters build to 9:1.
God help me master my Emotional Intelligence — especially in my closest relationships in work & life.