7 seconds…

Recently during practice with a couple clients who are working on building a foundation of sustainable trust, I asked one of them why they give the benefit of the doubt to one colleague and not to the one we were practicing with. “There was more inherent trust with so and so,” she replied without so much as thinking. I was surprised with her response as was her teammate. When I asked her teammate what he heard, “I’m held to a different standard,” he replied in an instant. I tend to agree. Here’s why.

When I kept asking her to tell me more about her “inherent trust” with another it became clear as to why. They started well. You see, these two did NOT. I explained the first 7 seconds scenerio with professional criminals. They form a bias in 7 seconds. The master criminals only hit the victims. I asked them to think about this and extrapolate it to their relationship. Weird, huh…

Client one had a negative first 7 seconds with client two. Client one had a positive first encounter with her other colleague. She, therefore, has a bias toward giving the benefit to her colleague simply because they started off well. Funny, huh. Client two has an uphill climb because of their poor start. He’s got to get comfortable on the climb, so to speak. And little things matter. She then asked what to do with these little things. Should she let it go or surface it. Surface it sooner was my advice. Surface it until you don’t feel the need to second guess. Surface it until you can laugh about it instead of loathe.

The first 7 seconds matter. Humans rush to judge by default. When relationships start poorly we second guess all kinda little things. This second guessing creates a tax between two. Taxes slow us down and wear us out. In essence taxes, tax us. If you find yourself second guessing someone you gotta work with, you can let it slide or surface it. Only let it slide if you can “let it go.” This is really good coaching. I hope you are getting this. Moving along.

If you can’t let it go, when you let it slide it goes into this crazy place called your “craw.” Stuff sits there and festers. Don’t do this. Surface it. Fight fair. Surface it sooner.

And, remember, the first impression you form in your relationships has all kinda power and prejudice. Build your awareness early to your tendencies here and lean against them. Some of the most transformational relationships start off wrong. You just may be missing out on some magic because of your bias. Client one and two are building trust. They both now realize why this has been so hard. Awareness is a good start, I reminded them. Now they gotta act accordingly. FM, baby…

The first 7 seconds matter. This is why you build your strong CORE now, take off your mask, and simply play Y.O.U. to the best of your ability. Turns out we trust the teammate who is consistent more than any other. Make sense?