Abuser…

Leaders are held to a higher bar. We all know this and yet we don’t really understand the implications. You, most likely, are clueless like most of our modern, mushy, faux leaders of the comfortable corporate world. Am I bugging you yet? Today, I brought a depth of understanding to one of my clients who owns his business. I hit him with some hard truth he didn’t want to hear about how high his bar.

I asked him if he had ever abused his wife, to which he responded, incredulously, “Hell No, Chet.” He was insinuating that I was an ASS for even asking. He was not happy. I smiled and asked him to imagine that years ago, even decades ago, while under the influence, he hit his love. He became unhappier yet. He grimaced and did as I had asked. And, then I really hit him. I asked him to imagine I was talking with his wife, today, and asked her if he was abusive. What would she say, I begged him to consider. He went silent as he tried to process inside his brides cranium. He came up wanting…

You see, men, if you hit your wife once – you betray her trust, you break her heart, and you create deep seated fear that it could happen again. Women are wired to be protected by their man, not seek protection from their man. They have long, long memories as a result of one, little, and long ago slip up. Don’t trust me, study this tough topic for yourself. You’ll see. Mentally healthy women have a high, high bar for their man. Fact.

Now imagine the same is true for you and your leadership. One little abuse of your power or your position and your team’s collective cranium forms concrete kinda conclusions. You cannot be trusted. You’re an abuser. This is how high the bar is for you, leader. It isn’t fair. Your team holds you to a higher bar than they hold themselves. And, they have no problem broadcasting your slip ups at the bar, around the coffee pot, and from cubicle to cubicle around your system. Fact. Trust me, I hear this kinda bullshit all the time around all kinda systems where nobody pays much attention to the weird guy in the Kansas tee shirt.

Today, I hit my client with this hard truth. He isn’t abusive. He isn’t a bad guy. He is simply naive about how high his bar and how small abuses of his power are limiting his influence. Now, my friend, imagine the same is true for you…