High performance marriages, companies, communities, and all sorts of teams live on a steady diet of conflict. Remember, according to John & Julie Gottman’s research, happy couples and those on the verge of divorce have the same % of “gridlocked conflict.” The number is 69%, and the reality is it isn’t going anywhere. Yikes. What about the other 31%? Is there something that distinguishes flourishing, productive relationships and their ability to navigate through the 31% sea of life? Thankfully, there is.
Happy, high performance couples and teams do lots of little things that really add up. Here’s one. They turn toward each other for repair. When trouble breaks out in river city, they don’t head for the hills, blow each other off, or run outside to “blow leaves.” They not only turn toward their team, they allow their team to persuade them. They actually take some of their suggestions and turn ’em into productive action. One of the defining moments for any team, couple, or partnership is when they realize that another is acting on their suggestion. FM, baby.
Think this has to be on BIG suggestions? Think again.
One of my former clients, seven years ago, told me a really cool story about the power of turning toward each other to resolve conflict. It involved his bride. She wanted the shower “squeegeed” after each shower. It “bugged” her that he never responded. She told him what she wanted. She made a bid for his attention. He responded. He made a decidre to act. He squeegee’s the shower now, all the time. She noticed. Yup, she did. And, she told him every time she hears him using that squeegee she tears up. FM, baby.
A thousand little conflicts that total 31%. It matters that you allow your teams to influence their resolution. Mine for conflict, laugh don’t languish in the big ones that aren’t going away, ever. And, turn toward your teams, and start squeegeeing until it’s squeaky clean!
Are you mining for enough conflict?
Are you burying yourself and your teams in a mountain of dust as you sweep bid after bid and tension upon tension, under the rug?
Are you letting your bride influence you? Your spouse? Your best friend? Your partner?
Remember, this bid’s for you…
BUILT TO LEAD 