When I “observe” another make a mistake, miss a layup, treat someone without mercy, let someone get away with murder, treat me with diffidence, run a red light, cut me off mid-sentence, layoff workers right before Christmas, “power over” me simply because of their position, talk behind someone’s back, fail (how dare they) to return my call, act inappropriately at the company party, or any other number of small or large grievances, I say to myself and sometimes to other ears as well, that whomever it is that committed the grievous act is one BAD HUman. He or she has a character flaw. AND, it’s not changing. They are just BAD.
However, when I commit the same or a similar act, I see myself in a slightly different light. I say to myself and oftentimes to other ears as well, that I didn’t mean to be mean, I was fouled like a banchee on the layup and (the ref sucked btw), I’m not talking behind the bosses back (Chet, he’s just such a BAD man) nobody tells him the truth, and the truth of the matter is I’m sorry for what I did and therefore I am not a BAD man, I am a HU man. Give me a break, we might add at the end. Do you see the slippery slope, friend?
Modern psychology has a definition for this condition. It is called the “actor/observer bias.” I believe it’s part of the HUman condition. When we observe another make a mistake we tend to assassinate their character. They are bad. There is NO doubt. However, when we act out the same mistake, we give ourselves the benefit of the doubt. This is the way most of us are pre-wired. Do you see how this ties to self esteem and self deception? Do you see the leadership challenge as some of us humans gotta play judge and jury? Do you see why I believe the best leaders are the reluctant ones?
The normal leader has this bias and is blind to it. The normal leader has enablers around him/her who make this blindspot worse. Today and most everyday, I see this one throughout this work. I see this and all kinda bias like it in good, healthy systems led by well intentioned humans. I observe this a lot, you can say. However, come to think of it, I’ve never noticed it in me. I’m beginning to think I may be the enlightened exception. Anywho, to see this bias in me would require me to slow down and become an observer of my behavior. Who, pray tell, has time for that. I certainly don’t, at least not right now with all the clients I’ve got to enlighten. Dear God, how did I get in the middle of such messes…
Do you see the slippery slope?
Are there any folks you might need to give the benefit of the doubt? Slow down and reflect, my hurried friend. Slow down…
BUILT TO LEAD 