Addictions, remember, are more a feelings disorder than disease or character flaw. And, addicts have a hearing problem, especially when it comes to hearing you. Remember this – the addict listens to his own voice no different the affluent, the homeless, the young, or the very, very old. So, if you want to help your teen, your teammate, your parent, your problem child, or your peer, remember, they don’t want to hear your persuasive speech as to why they ought to STOP. They listen to their internal reason for recovering something they sense is lost. Ask them some questions. Stir their thinking. Start hypothetically speaking. Funny, huh…
And, remember most addictions are born and bred during the transitions of life. Tune in to your teen. Ask a ton of interested questions during Sunday suppers. Tune in to your peer struggling with his work or with his wife. Addictions are born and bred during times of transition because these times are filled with feelings we would rather deaden then deal with. Addictions are a feelings disorder more than you and I tend to think. The world wants us to categorize addicts as people with a particular problem – a character disorder from which they cannot recover. If you wanna help your problem child you gotta widen your perspective.
See your problem child as someone hurting and hiding.
Change your mind about what is wrong with ’em. Tune in. Grab hold of your own emotions and get ready for some tough love a coming. And, lead with curious questions that cause them to think. Stay with them when your amygdala screams otherwise. Use your rational brain to think strategically about how to get them to think recovery is their idea. Ask professionals for help. Embrace the pain and suffering. Ask God for help.
Remember, your problem child has a hearing problem – they listen to their own ideas no different than you…
BUILT TO LEAD 