Ever notice that you seem to offend some folks and don’t know why? You’re not alone. You and I are really quite good at noticing the patterns of behavior in another that offend us. We’re not the offender. We’re able to separate ourselves quite nicely and simply see this other human trip over themselves. We care, but not that much. We wonder to ourselves why they are so blind to their offensive behavior. We say nothing; at least not to Mr. Offensive. We may talk to the offended, if we like them, but usually we only talk about Mr. Offensive with our buddies, the bartender, our brothers, or our bride. Funny, huh.
So why can’t we notice these same patterns in ourselves? Our insecurities and emotions keep us from clearly seeing our own behaviors. We care too much about protecting our fragile sense of self. We start out, remember, as self centered and other controlling. Most humans simply remain self centered a little too long and soon enough grow into self absorbed adults bent on getting their way. Unable to continually control other humans, most simply blame them…
The second reason that you and I tend to offend others without our awareness is because people rarely tell you and I the truth about what we did that was so offensive. Rarely. People are not natural born truth tellers. People naturally protect themselves and their own interests. If telling you the truth about your offensive behavior aligns with their agenda, you might have a chance. Rarely is this the case. What to do, you might ask? Start building your interior space, your CORE. And, keep building. The stronger you build your interior space the more you can separate yourself from your emotions when you sense you’ve just offended another. This will give you the chance to see yourself more clearly. Slowly, you’ll begin to notice some of your behaviors as your mis-behaving, so to speak. Self awareness here we come.
And, find yourself a few. Find a few truth tellers to go with the countless liars that naturally surround you. Cultivate these truth tellers like the cash crop they are. Hold them close to you, take care of them, don’t shoot them when they shoot truth toward you. Remember, a few truth tellers are all you need. Find a few. Offensive and unaware is where most of us take up permanent residence. We tend to blame others for our plight and see ourselves as victims and so deeply misunderstood. We can change. We can build a strong interior space and as we do we’ll become more aware of our own misbehaving and what to do about it. Our exterior will become a bit more attractive and so too our relationships. A few will understand. Most, remember, will not – even some you hold closest and most dear. Fact.
God, help me become more aware of my need for deep change. God, help me tune into more of my shit and stop stepping in it as I more clearly see my way forward. God, help me focus on the few and free me from my insecurities about how most people perceive and relate with me. God, help me…
BUILT TO LEAD 