“We’re good now, right,” isn’t the best way to finish a tough topic with your team -however, it’s the norm. Most leaders just want to move on. They oftentimes don’t realize it but they’ve got a messed up belief system. They believe tough topics will somehow disappear if you move on. Tough topics do NOT go away on their own. When a leader develops this habit, here is an unintended consequence. When leaders don’t talk about the tough topics, the system does. The associates fill in the blanks. Gossip and back channels are flooded with uneducated and uninformed opinions.
Systems fill the void, so to speak. This slows the system down.
BTL leaders talk about why and own it. They communicate the good, the bad, and fill in the blanks. They actually bring up the tough topics before the team does. They help us get to the root of our conflict and choose PA to productively move on. The masters leave us thinking our new PA was our own idea too. FM, baby. This builds trust. This speeds us along. This discipline sustains performance.
“We’re good now and we just kinda move on,” are warning signals of a system that is brushing conflict under the rug instead of mining for it and digging it up as a habit. Deep trust is built when we talk about the tough topics ccd with the ones that need to hear it. Deep trust speeds us up but we gotta slow down to build it. Today, a client of mine was reminded his hurry up, rush to judge, and mule default are his natural reactions to conflict with his teammates. His “moving on” default is a defensive measure and he now understands why his emotions reach a boiling point. You see, when deep rooted conflict lays unresolved in you, it seethes, simmers, and builds up. Like a ticking time bomb, it’s bound to go off – usually over something small too. Today, he learned a bit more about the power of “tell me more” replacing his default, defensive strategy of, “we’re good now, right!” Lots of practice will be required to make this his new default. Good.
Slow down and reflect.
How do you deal with tough topics? How ’bout your system? How much time do you invest in back channel communication and using the grapevine to move your positions along? How ccd are your communications? How truthful? How are you fighting triple d and developing the habit of tuning in, instead? How do you know? Tell me more, my friend. Tell me more.
No bigee if you don’t have the time. We’re good now, right?
BUILT TO LEAD 