I can remember when Quinner established 3:30 was the limit for team meetings involving me. He knew me. After 3:30pm, I just got silly. I still do oftentimes. The greatest teams laugh together much more than they argue together.
According to the Gottmans, my favorite marriage experts, happy couples receive 4-1 positive to negative emotions from their partner. Anything less and the relationship is doomed to divorce. We can’t stand for long around those who bring us down. Here are a few of my do’s and don’t toward co-regulating as couples.
Do NOT rush to argue until you get your ratio’s right.
Do NOT argue until you know your heart is right.
Do not argue when your only motive is to prove you’re right.
Do NOT start picking fights when people don’t trust your intention. Unintended consequences are a real bummer here.
Do water thoughts and feelings about your team that make you laugh.
Do tell your team when you see them doing something right.
Do laugh about failed attempts done well.
Do laugh about each other – not at each other.
Do remember that you all are a TEAM.
Do understand more than judge…
Water what you want. My gut tells me happy, healthy, productive teams have a ratio of 9-1 positive emotions to negative. That’s a whole lot of laughing going on. Only when there’s love in “your air.” Fact.
When people enter your “twenty square feet” what ratio’s do they sense?
How you changed your natural default setting from rushing to judge to one seeking to understand? Are you tuned into your ratios enough to know if they need tweaking? Slow down. Reflect. Write. Seek perspective from a truth teller. Train the brain to laugh more than loathe. Rush to laugh. What do you think?
Live hard. Love harder. Laugh. Much harder…
BUILT TO LEAD 