Stories

Past hurt informs future fear. This is true, with the caveat – if those past hurts and the mental stories we tell ourselves about them are left unexamined.

We experience something difficult, often created by things outside of our control. Something a parent, teacher, or loved one tells us tells, life circumstances, etc. They may or may not have had any ill intent, and yet we tell ourselves a story. “I can’t tell them everything or I won’t be accepted” or “I have to be perfect to be worthy of their time.” And that creates stories that we tell ourselves about how we have to behave in the world to fit in, to be worth something, to pave our own way. That informs our future fears – we’re afraid to be fully ourselves, we’re afraid to ever be less than perfect, etc.

Many of us never realize there’s another way. Or we might get to a point where we realize those behaviors aren’t serving us, and then we get stuck. Why? It’s almost impossible to change the behaviors without changing the stories and the underlying beliefs. Slow down and examine your stories, examine your beliefs about the world. Write them out. Are those the ones you want to live out? Are they serving you? If not, change them. Then begin to live in alignment with them. Baby step it out.