We all experience CONFLICT. We get hungry every few hours. We resolve this “conflict” by finding something to eat. Some of us resolve this very basic conflict more productively than others. Some not so much. The same is true for resolving conflict in work and life. I’ve written about this topic on countless occasions. I seemingly TALK about this incessantly and every day it creeps back into view. Every day I choose to resolve conflict. Some days I solve it with “fast food,” while other days I slow down and resolve these problems more wisely. How ’bout you?
BUILT TO LEAD is a team of people that builds strong individuals, strong teams, and strong leaders. We help our family, friends, and clients improve their performance in work and life. We help them resolve conflict. We help them learn productive ways to fight through conflict. We help them laugh and not languish in conflict that is here to stay. We are pretty much conflict conquerors. Consider us your battle ready troops. We’ve been through this WAR before and have learned how to get things done.
It all sounds good. Here’s the reality.
We pretty much SUCK at resolving conflict.
We know what to do. We know how to do. We know when to do. We know who to do. We even know WHY we WANT to do. We know a lot of stuff. We do a lot of things. We ACT. Yet CONFLICT continues.
We know who we are in our CORE and we know who are teammates are as well. We know each others personality types. We know their DISC, MBTI, Stengthsfinder, Explanatory style, Learning style, and just about every other style. And yet we still have conflict. We are much better at resolving your conflict than we are at resolving our own.
Maybe therin lies the nugget of wisdom. Maybe that’s the melody line for conquering conflict. Maybe the problem is not fixing that team member that ALWAYS DRIVES YOU CRAZY. Maybe the answer…
Maybe we all need to invest our energy in resolving our OWN conflict. Our internal conflict. Maybe, peace with others starts with PEACE within. Maybe…
What problems do you continue to solve too quickly and not too deeply?
Who do you continue to have conflict with and why?
Have you discovered anything about yourself, your family, your “little voice,” that may be the REAL problem?
Why do you run from a fight?
Why do you run into the room looking for a fight?
Why do you mine for conflict?
Why do you find yourself saying…”just forget it, I can’t talk to you about anything!”
Why do certain people always put you off?
Why are you better at resolving others conflicts than your own?
What internal struggle creates your BIGGEST conflict?
Why? Why? Why?
BUILT TO LEAD 
Chet – Well said. Your blog reminds me of the most important single principle I have ever learned about resolving conflict that I have with others. As Jesus of Nazareth (not the baseball player) said that long time ago, “Get the log out of your own eye before you go yanking splinters out of the eyes of others.” If I want real reconciliation, I have to start with my own contribution to the conflict. And you nailed it. In order to do that I have to deal with the stuff inside my own head and heart.
Are we resonating here or did I miss your point? If the latter, tell me more…
Randall,
You and I are speaking the same language…very cool. That Jesus guy seems to have it going.
I could not agree more and there is a “formula” I use in my classes that usually brings the “aha” from those in attendance. It is E=R. This is when “expectations = reality” we are fine but when they do not, we have “conflict”. My question to them is which side of the equation do you work on? We usually come to the conclusion that we change our expectations much easier than reality. By this I mean that we usually tend to cause our own conflict by expecting people to act differently only because we think they should and then become aggravated when they do not. Who is the crazy person in this scenario. I tell them they should look internally first and stop giving others/other situations control over their enjoyment of life. TAKE CONTROL BACK and make it your reality they live in, not vice versa…
“Maybe we all need to invest our energy in resolving our OWN conflict. Our internal conflict. Maybe, peace with others starts with PEACE within. Maybe…”
so true…i love this entry…
Hey Brad…glad you enjoyed the entry. That thought just came to me and really feels true. Maybe, peace with others starts with peace within. May you experience peace…within and with others.
I will pray specifically for your peace within…