The difference between A-Lone and ALL-one: PART 2

What’s the difference between a leader and a team that feels “A-Lone” versus “ALL-one” in work and life?   Check out Part 1 — it’s one “L” of a difference, and the first difference is LOVE.

In Part 2, let’s explore a second difference, which is the LANGUAGE of “A-Lone” versus “ALL-one” in work and life –think of it as ABC. 

The “A” is for ACCUSATION, the all-too-familiar language of leaders & teams that are “A-Lone.”    Accusation is the critical translator in our head when someone asks a question, makes a comment, or when something doesn’t go as expected.   It works like a police spotlight on us & others looking for someone or something to expose.  It’s the “inner voice” all-too-ready to explain the motives of others.    Why?  Because Accusation pricks our human FEAR & PRIDE.  It triggers deep-seated survival instincts to fight-or-flight . . . to lay low . . .or to prepare the arsenal to Defend/Deny/Destroy.   It inevitably results in a toxic culture where leader & team become isolated from each other.  As the adrenaline of survival runs its course,  teams go from walking on eggshells to simply disengaging as what Dr. Martin Seligman calls “learned helplessness” sets in.  And the stakes are HIGH, because as Judith Barthwick puts it in her book One Foot Out the Door, all leaders and teams share 3 deep desires in the workplace:    To be known, To do work that matters, and To measure it.   Sadly,  Accusation fosters just the opposite — anonymity, apathy, and avoiding accountability.

The “C” is for CONVICTION.   It’s the LOVE language of leaders & teams that are “ALL-one.”   Conviction appeals to our deepest held beliefs — our deepest sense of what is good & what is right.   When someone asks a question, makes a comment, or when something doesn’t go as expected, Conviction looks for the truth and what can be learned.    Like a lighthouse beam that cuts through the fog, Conviction points the way for leader and team to find safe harbor and steer away from danger.  Acting on Conviction results in contagious chemistry, a culture where leader & team are fully engaged, alive with OPUS, and accountable.

So what’s the “B”?   It’s for WHICH of the two you will BELIEVE and act on– because Accusation AND Conviction seem to both come at you nearly simultaneously all the time.   To sift through, identify & silence Accusation takes a strong core.    To listen for, identify, BELIEVE and act on Conviction requires COURAGE & HUMILITY, which also come only from a strong core.   And that takes real, HARD, work.

What Accusations are you giving into?   What Convictions are calling to you as you read this?  Slow down and give yourself the gift of time to WRITE while you have a moment of clarity.   What’s a Productive Action you could take?

p.s.  For more, check out Chet’s blog on Building Productive Relationships… the power of just one Word change…, and a couple books — Change Your Questions Change Your Life by Marilee Adams, and Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman.