When I “observe” another make a mistake, miss a layup, treat someone without mercy, let someone get away with murder, treat me with diffidence, run a red light, cut me off mid-sentence, layoff workers right before Christmas, “power over” me simply because of their position, talk behind someone’s back, fail (how dare they) to return my call, act inappropriately at the company party, or any other number of small of large grievances, I say to myself and sometimes to other ears as well, that whomever it is that committed the grievous act is one BAD MAN. He or she has a character flaw. AND, it’s not changing. They are just BAD.
However, when I commit the same or a similar act, I see myself in a slightly different light. I say to myself and oftentimes to other ears as well, that I didn’t mean to be mean, I was fouled like a banchee on the layup and (the ref sucked btw), I’m not talking behind the bosses back (Chet, he’s just such a BAD man) that nobody tells him the truth, and the truth of the matter is that I’m sorry for what I did and therefore I am not a BAD man, I am a HU man. Give me a break, we might add at the end.
Modern psychology has a definition for this condition. It is called the “actor/observer bias.” I believe it’s part of the HU man condition. It just is…
When we observe another make a mistake we assassinate their character. They are bad. There is NO doubt. However, when we act out the same mistake, we give ourselves the benefit of the doubt. This is the way we are wired. The normal human simply has this bias and for most of us, this bias is one that we’re blind to. We don’t see it.
It’s there.
Today and most everyday, I see this one throughout this work. I rarely notice it in me, in fact I think I may be the enlightened exception. I do, however, see it all around me. To see this bias in me would require me to slow down and become an observer of my behavior. Who, pray tell, has time for that…
Hey, when you get a minute, I’ve got to tell you about these idiots I’m working with over at the ABCDEFG Group. Talk about clueless.
Who would benefit from you seeing them the same way you see yourself?
Are there any folks that might need you to give them the benefit of the doubt?
How do you know that you’re the enlightened exception?
Why is it that when I “nick” you, you act as if you’ve been cut to the bone and yet when you cut my knees out from under me, you tell me to just get over it?
How can you be such an insensitive BAD man?
Tell me more, my friend.
Tell me more….
BUILT TO LEAD 
Chet,
There’s is not enough room on the entire internet for me to relay all the hypocritical bias in my dealings with others, starting with those closest to me. The only hope for me, and all of us HU mans, is to be reminded of this often, and to take it to heart, and to make a habit of giving others the benefit of the doubt. I am trying simply to make that a “habit of the heart.” Another habit would be that of making sincere apology when the inevitable mess-ups happen. Thanks for the reminder!