Bright boundries…

A client recently asked me for help in building his discipline around his eating.  I asked him a few questions about why he wanted more discipline around his eating and gave him a simple PA for the next week.  He has a tendency to eat lots of “junk” calories late at night so we agreed that a good PA would be to not eat anything after 8pm.  I wrote this down and sent it to him to confirm.  And, if he cheated he was to shoot me a text immediately following his cheating moment and tell me why and how he cheated.

During the week he sent me one such text that was cheating and one that wasn’t really, he was simply eating a late dinner.  Good enough.

Today we began our practice together with me asking him why he cheated and if he had cheated any more than the time he told me.  He came clean.  He had cheated  on the weekend so much that he didn’t bother telling me.  And, late one night at a party, he really blew it with some waffles and ice cream.  I asked him if he heard the little voice in his head that night and, if he did, could he recall it’s message.  He had extremely clear recall and told me that his little voice said something to the effect of, “You’ve blown it already today so ‘what the hell’ have some more.”

Herman and Mack, a couple research psychologists whose research is found in the book, Willpower, which I completely devoured, coined a phrase that describes my client and many of us. When we’ve blown a commitment that we’ve made to ourselves whether it’s a diet, a drink, a drug, or a dirty deed of any sort, we tend to say to ourselves, “What the hell.” Herman and Mack, not surprisingly, coined this the “What the hell effect.” Once you say this in your head,the gluttony, the 6th drink, and the affair all transpire as your unrestrained impulses run wild. Virtue, you tell yourself, will jumpstart in the morning.

Want to stick to your disciplines, whatever they are? Set up “bright boundries” that your mind cannot miss. Nothing to eat after 8pm and one cheat meal, is a bright boundry. Set up yourself to be monitored. Texting me a cheat is a form of monitoring. Dealing with my questions, is another. And, realize that we don’t break old habits. We wire up new ones that are better. And, this always take time.

The most disciplined people on the planet spend very little time exercising their willpower. They invest their willpower in building their bright boundries so they don’t have to.

Where do you crave more discipline in your life? Why do you want this? What are the patterns to your problem? What are their roots? How are you establishing bright boundries for yourself? How are you monitoring yourself? Who is holding you accountable?

Tell me more, my friend.

Tell me more…