During yesterdays practice I asked the team to “play me” and help their leader gain clarity the same way we had “helped” Tina and Jessica gain theirs.
They did what most teams do. They played “nice,” not me. After I let this go for a few minutes, I interrupted them and asked them what they had learned about building the boss vs. building a peer. They didn’t recognize what I wanted them to until I further primed them. Eventually they got it and one of them acknowledged that they had gone easier because they didn’t want to be “mean.”
Here’s a major rub. You will not help another gain clarity by holding back and trying to say things the right way. You will sound like too many words that are trying to sound good without being hurtful. You will sound like a politician. The person you are trying to help won’t understand what you’re sending. Instead, try this…
Next time you are asked to help another gain some clarity, study your heart first. Make sure you aren’t harboring ANGER aimed at them. Make sure that you see them, instead, as another human being that you want to help.
Once your confident that your heart is right, trust it and speak CCD (Clear, concise, and direct) always with respect. Like Jenny, this won’t be sent from a mean heart and most likely won’t be received as such either. Your boss, your bride, your buddy, your best friend, and your receivers will react like FD did, most likely.
They will thank you and tell you that was “meaningful.”
All of us requires the help of truth tellers to build the best version of ourselves possible. None of us gets there alone. Your holding back is what’s really mean. Would you hold back information that might help your child achieve the pinnacle of their potential? Would you wait “till the time was right” or wade in now trusting that your motives and their need were aligned enough?
Your leader operates mostly in an information vacuum. The higher you rise in any system, the larger the vacuum. Meaningful feedback is needed. What are you waiting for…
Go.
BUILT TO LEAD 
Truer words were never spoken, Pete you are a man with a deep and wise heart! Patricia Bright