Perfection or personal excellence…

I am just finishing up my first “new” read in quite awhile. I’ve been re-reading as a discipline for almost a year now. The Price of Privilege, by Madeline Levine was given to me by Brad Koffel, the addictions lawyer that I referenced a few rants ago, and has been a worthy investment of time.

The author believes that one the most harmful aspects of affluent parents is that they tend to focus on perfection. They have to be perfect, the wedding has to be perfect, their looks the same, ditto for their kids, their house, and even their spouse. This perfectionism produces performance anxiety and an overt focus on external perceptions. We can’t go “outside” without looking our best, generates more unnecessary pressure. We can’t have guests over without everything in place, does it again. We can’t try something new for fear of failing or, worse yet, for fear of looking vulnerable and unaccomplished.

There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting things done right. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be your best and look your best while being it. The reality is that things will go wrong and you and I are incapable of being perfect. We can, however, gain energy not anxiety by accepting these “limitations” and striving for personal excellence anyway. The push for our best comes from deep within and has next to nothing to do with what your neighbor thinks or sees. The push for personal excellence comes from a strong CORE that provides a strong sense of self to its builder. An imperfect self. A work in process self. A flawed self. A hopeful self.

You choose. Your choices have consequences.

You can choose to listen to others and continue to hear that you’re “not good enough.” This identity leads its owner to either become anxious about performance or complacent. Either we go down in the flames of our own making or we just decide to quit trying.You can choose to listen to others beneath you and continue to hear that you’re “the man or woman.” This identity leads its owner to believe their bullshit and make it their own. This leads to an inflated sense of self until someone or something lets the air out. We either respond with enormous effort and energy to regain our foothold and march to the top or we belly flop into the weeds and quit trying…

You can choose to listen to your own little voice that is mostly rooted in your childhood. You can hear it’s message played over and over that you “don’t have what it takes, don’t have what it takes, don’t have what it takes.” Talk about depressing…

Or you can choose to listen to your creator. You can hear that He alone is perfect. You can hear that He wants to become your builder. You can hear that He believes in Y.O.U. and that He wants to make Y.O.U. and the world put to rights. You can hear that He promises to continue a good work within Y.O.U. and never give up, never burn out, and never become overly critical or anxious along the way. You can hear that He does NOT demand perfection, He wants to build excellence, virtue, and deep humility in you and in me.

God, help me listen to you. God, help me hear your desires for a more virtuous me. God, help me model the way, embrace the acute pain that inevitably comes my way, and embody truth in LOVE.

God, help me…