Today, like most days, I challenged one of my clients to change. He did what comes naturally. He resisted. He rationalized his behavior and, using the scientific method, tried to prove me wrong. This is normal. The untrained brain, remember, is married to it’s “mental models” and does not want them to change even when there’s proof positive that the change makes sense. This kinda change feels like a loss, and we humans are historically hard wired for loss aversion. This is why we resist change, even change that makes sense.
Today, my client did some REAL, HARD, WORK. He practiced “catch and release” with his thinking. He decided to humble himself and listen to some instruction that felt, very much, like a loss. He felt deflated by his discovery. And, this is where I helped him apply the “catch and release” thinking. When my client sees his need for deep change, his default is to beat the shit out of himself. He goes into super downer mode. He can’t believe that a mind as sharp as his could somehow miss what is now so obvious to see. He plays an old script and punishes himself for being less than perfect. This is an old script and it’s NOT true.
The truth is that my client is changing. All change is uncomfortable and clunky until its not. This takes patience. First, you have to catch yourself and your old habit in the moment of truth. Second, you have to release your thinking from its well worn rut we call a mental model. And, finally, you have to choose to replace your old habit with a new one that is bound to feel clunky, contrived, and kinda out of control. Changing your mind will ignite your little voice and it will whirl up whatever it can to keep you doing what you’ve always done. One of it’s favorites goes something like this, “You know the old way may not have been so good, but man, at least you had it down.”
Today an old habit was caught and released. Today, the replacement process began. Every leader, in order to grow, must embrace “being the change.” Second natures are built. We cannot build them without catching ourselves, releasing old habits, and replacing them with better ones. This takes time, my friend. Patience and plenty of practice are coming.
Do not beat the shit out of yourself when you discover the need to change you. This is a virtuous character being built the right kinda way. Feel good about this kinda discovery. Oh, and by the way, the shit will get beaten out of you when someone else does the discovery. Funny, huh…
BUILT TO LEAD 
…maybe even better the second time around. BTW my word of the year for all of this is to “re-pensee” dead French word guy for “re-think” the Latin version is “re-pent” which is at the heart of changing deeply grooved behavior…. gotta re-THINK it
Yes, better the second time ’round. And, better with your “and” every time ’round. And, better still with the next nuance and then the next. Thanks again, Gurue, for your always welcome “and.”