When you ask questions, practice this order. First, ask curious questions that lead to clarity. Tune in and listen. Once you think you’ve got it, play it back to your partner and make sure your interpretation is aligned with what they intended. Keep asking curious questions until you are certain clarity has come. Dorothy Parker was right; “There is no cure for curiosity.” Practice being curious, first…
Once you’ve arrived in clarity, you’ve got choices. You can STOP and enjoy your understanding. Basically, leave it at that. This will be the case the majority of the time. However, when you arrive in clarity, sometimes you will choose to NOT leave well enough alone, so to speak. You will choose to ask challenging questions too. Cool.
Remember to not mix the order, however.
Lead with the challenge and you’ll sound like a bitch. Yikes. And, don’t try to mix curious and challenging into one question. This will sound like you’re a lawyer during cross-examination trying to “lead the witness” toward your way of thinking. The receiver will look at your sideways, grow suspicious, and shut ‘er down. Not the one you want, assuming you’re trying to connect. No partner wants you to lead them toward your way of thinking. Your partner wants you to understand, not fix. Funny, the more you understand ’em, the more likely you are to be invited in. Even funnier, when the invite is your partners idea, your fix feels like their own. Remember, humans like it that way. Yes, we are a funny bunch…
Understand me, first. Maybe I’ll invite you in, maybe I won’t. Either way, partner, it’s nice having you hear me. And, you just got a whole lot more interesting too. Funny, the more interested you are, the more interesting you become.
You’re right, Dorothy, there is no cure for curiosity…
BUILT TO LEAD 