Divorce, like so many decisions in life, is really complicated, complex, and quite simple at the same time. “Irreconcilable differences” blankets, quite conveniently, the real root as to why most couples find themselves in front of a Judge instead of their Pastor. Somebody chose to be done. Somebody chose to change their mind. Somebody chose to take their vows a little less seriously. Somebody gave themselves an out.
Divorce occurs because somebody gives themself the option to quit. Humans, turns out, are happiest when they value commitment over freedom. Rap your brain around that one for awhile.
If you want to stick to anything or anyone, don’t give your brain an “opt out” option. All disciplines are complicated, complex, and, at their root, really simple. It’s easy to be committed for awhile; real, hard, work to be committed for a lifetime. Endurance is only for the few. Be one. Become ONE, together…
Happiness, is more about honoring your committments than it is about enjoying your freedoms. Don’t take my word for it; ask the few, really old folks you know that are joyfully growing old. Ask them for the roots of their endurance.
What are you choosing, commitment or some kinda false freedom? Tell me more, my friend. Tell me more…
BUILT TO LEAD 
Hey Chet – GREAT stuff, we do marriage enrichment events and will quote you ( bettermarriagetoday.com ) I found you thru the Deeper path with Kary
Randy Zachary
Chet, going through this now unfortunately. You hit the nail on the head. Great post.
Chet – This is a wonderful summary of the truth. The one who decides to quit 80% of the time already have a new chapter planned as they opt out of their commitment. I have also observed, the spouse who is the recipient of ‘opt’ out have little to no clue the other is leaving.
Again, thank you for the wonderful summary.
Tracy
Chet, You wrote “Divorce occurs because somebody gives themself the option to quit. Humans, turns out, are happiest when they value commitment over freedom. Rap your brain around that one for awhile.”
This is a great article but in my opinion is too cut and dry. I chose to be committed, yet I was also the one that opted out. When drugs and alcohol take over your spouses life, they will do anything to get their fix. People no longer matter.
I would have stayed longer but it was not an option. There was not physical abuse but mental. After finding debt of over 250,000.00 I had to go. There comes a time when survival overrides commitment.
Not many people know what I went through because during the marriage it was prescription drugs and doctor shopping. Once we divorced, it went to street drugs and alcohol.
After the divorce, he died of a heart attack from an accidental drug overdose. He was shooting up at the time he died.
Thanks for your “and,” Jeana. I don’t know you but your situation sounds like it wasn’t opting out at all. I understand there are reasons for leaving. Addictions are one. God bless you and thanks for your attention…