Negative Nancy…

I came face to face with negative Nancy during practice 60. I see her way to frequently throughout this work. Negative Nancy takes too much blame for herself, her relationships, and her performance. She beats herself silly. She holds herself to the highest bar. She sees herself as too much or too little. She gives others more bennies than she does herself. She shames herself.

Shame is the enemy of performance.

If you feel like you suck or you can’t figure it out, you will and you won’t. Healthy humans take responsibility and give themselves a break. Healthy humans live in this tension. You cannot enter high performance while beating yourself up. Nancy’s tendency is like many of yours. She beats herself silly and then wonders why she’s so tired. Negative Nancy is not the one you want. Shame is like carrying a weight around your waist and trying to run from it. The recipe is to take responsibility, marry PA, and give yourself the benefit of the doubt.

Self esteem, remember, can’t come from another.

Your shame sucks the life out of you. Many of you struggle here. Women moreso than men. I highly recommend the book, Captivating if this sounds kinda like you. It’s written by Stassi Eldredge. Check it out…

And, if you feel really good about you and can’t seem to find a partner or a team that measures up to your standard, you’ve got a much BIGger problem. You are suffering one of the unintended consequences of many a high performer. You are taking too little responsibility for your problems. You tend to blame others and circumstances. You look out the window and avoid looking in the mirror. You esteem yourself to such an extent that it extends beyond a healthy confidence. Reading anything from C.S. Lewis might be just what you need to widen your perspective.

BTL leaders live in the tension. They look in the mirror, first. They own their own shit and spend most of their efforts closing their own integrity gaps. This kinda clarity allows them to look out the window and help their family, friends, and clients do the same. We tend to see these few folks as wise ones and welcome their words, even when they pierce.

Wisdom, turns out, comes from a willingness to work within. Wisdom, like any virtue, comes from real, hard, work within. Wisdom comes from looking at your problems, honestly owning your shit, and slowly chipping away without shaming. Wisdom also arrives when dizzyingly high performances are married with deep humility. Wisdom comes from living in the tension, slowing down enough to study tendencies, and understanding how to extrapolate your learning into PA for you and yours. Funny, huh…