STOP asking me to affirm you…

Most humans, when they ask you or me for help want affirmation NOT information.

Most coaches, in the business world, understand the above statement and give their clients exactly what they want, a cheerleader. Somebody that makes them feel better about themselves. Somebody that affirms the goodness in their strengths and gets them to take their eyes off their bad habits, as if not looking will somehow make the problem behavior disappear. This kinda coach makes me sick. The kinda leader that seeks this kinda feedback makes me just as sick. The kinda teammate that gives this kinda feedback makes me sick too. And, the fact is that the world is full of coaches, leaders, and associates that are all playing this game.

The truth is the higher up you get in whatever system you’re in the more desperately you need information NOT affirmation. And, the less likely you are to even sniff it.

Yesterday, during practice 83, I gave one of my clients information she can use. I used few words. I asked her to tell me what she heard and why she thought she was hearing it. I didn’t let her off the hook until she thought her way through it, until it had become her idea. She converted this feedback into her new PA and we parted ways, each of us knowing the result of our interaction had built us both…

STRONGER.

If you are coaching little kids who are playing soccer for the first time, I highly recommend that you give them a boatload of affirmation and just a little information. Just point them in the right direction and let ’em kick some grass. It’s just a game, afterall.

Isn’t it sad that most corporate CEO’s are treated by you and me as if they’re little kids who can’t handle the truth. We affirm our leaders, not to protect their fragile psyches, quite the contrary, to protect our own. All the affirmation in the world, won’t change the facts facing your industry, facing your company, and facing you.

Give your leaders some information they can use. Tell them something they can’t see from their perch, but you see with clarity from your position. And, leaders stop asking folks questions that lead to affirmation. Ask them tough questions, in safe environments, that prime them to tell you the truth. This kinda information exchange will make you both…

STRONGER.

Every team could use another truth teller, truth hearer, and true performer in your position. We certainly don’t need another cheerleader fixated on cheering, cheering, and cheering some mo. We need Y.O.U. to stop with the soft soap and give us some truth. STOP asking me to affirm you. I’m not here to make you feel better, remember. I am here to make you better. I am here to make you do what Y.O.U. can and you can do a lot.

Now that’s some information you can use. You choose. Your choices have consequences…