Comfortable with conflict…

Every relationship is laced with perpetual conflict. Translation. You and those tightest with you are gonna conflict till death parts you. Try adding this thought to your marriage vow – Get comfortable with conflict till death do you part. Funny, huh…

John and Julie Gottmann, the most respected relationship psychologists on the planet, have some freakin’ magic to offer all of us who want a few transformational relationships in our work and life. I’ve paraphrased their top 5 ingredients for keeping your perpetual conflict from becoming gridlocked. Here it is. This is helping me and my many relational conflicts. I do not have a shortage here…

1. Choose dialogue over creating distance. Problems are not self healing systems. They get deeper and wider when we don’t talk about them. TALK. Yelling, my friends, does not count as convo.

2. See the problem as separate from your partner. This perspective keeps us hopeful. Do you see it?

3. Stop “either or” thinking. Every problem has multiple solutions. Remember the power of “anding.”

4. Perpetual conflict is part of life. Accept this fact. Peace is still possible. Marry this perspective.

5. Find the humor. Remember, we either “laugh or loathe.” Practice laughing at yourself, first and foremost.

God, help me apply this recipe. God, help me build more humility. God, help me have the courage to lead in forgiving and repairing. God, help me embody truth in LOVE – speaking and listening, please. God, help me lighten up and laugh more at me. God, help me hit my clients with truth even when it hurts them. God, help me hit my clients with truth even when it hurts me. And, God, give me the wisdom to use words to build but stop short of breaking another.

God, help me…