No regrets is NOT the one you want and “no regrets” is a foundational belief of so many among us. In Christian Smith’s worthwhile read, Lost in Transition he identifies “no regrets” as a bolt on belief for many of our young adults. This, in my opinion, is cause for concern and correction. Here’ why.
When one lives without regret where is the impetus to right a wrong? If you allow yourself to feel no regret what prompts you to repair? If we do not regret we must feel justified. If our behaviors are always just, we must see ourselves as righteous. If we think of ourselves as righteous and others as problems are we thinking rationally or simply rationalizing. Living without regret is self deception, isn’t it? Are you letting this in? Are you regretting giving me your attention?
No regrets leads to no repair. No repair leads to a sense of self righteousness even though we know we’re sideways more than straight. Real regret, on the other hand, is the gateway to real relationship. When I regret how I’ve treated another, I’m no longer self absorbed. Instead, I’m actually imagining what it must have felt like in another’s shoe. I’m not seeing simply an object in my path, but instead another person.
Real regret leads to real repentance. Real repentance leads to real repair. Real repair leads to real relationship. Real relationship leads to real results. Real results attracts results oriented people toward you. The stronger people you attract the stronger you become. You won’t regret being surrounded by strong performers, will you?
STOP pretending your perfect and other people are problems. Other people are people – just like you and me. BTL leaders, remember, are far from perfect. BTL leaders are masters in repair. Real repair leads to better results. Real repair, however, begins with regret. Funny, huh….
Regret. Repent. Repair. Real results. Who knew regret could make us more. FM, baby. FM.
BUILT TO LEAD 
This is good Toto. And actually leads to a life filled with less regret at the end b/c repairs were made along the way.
U r so right that saying “no regrets” is often equivalent to denial — an ineffective way of resolving dissonance.
It can be an equal but opposite wrong reaction which is living under guilt which is a self loathing way of handling regret.
Living under grace is the foundation for avoiding the extremity traps of self righteousness and perpetual guilt. Grace gives the humility to see integrity gaps for what they are, and the courage to work toward restoration — leaving relationships not only repaired, but stronger.
To live under grace, Pride and Fear must go. Leaders r believers and believers r receivers. God help me receive from you so I can be a conduit to give to others what I can’t give on my own.
A much needed rendition of R&R! – Regret and Repent. Repair and get Real. Thanks, Chet!