Here are few notes from one of my most influential builders. This will help you understand the why behind my practice one on one, one on a few, or one on a few more. These notes are taken directly from the book titled, A Failure of Nerve.
“A leader must separate his or her own emotional being from that of his or her followers while still remaining connected. A leader needs the capacity not only to accept the solitariness that comes with the territory, but also to come to love it. These criteria are based on the recognition that ‘no good deed goes unpunished’; chronic criticism is if anything, often a sign that the leader is functioning better! Vision is not enough.
These insights led to a major shift in my mode of consultation with regard to both families and work systems. With families, I stopped creating encyclopedias of data about all their issues and began to search instead for the member with the greatest capacity to be the leader as I have defined it. That person generally turned out to be the one who could express himself or herself with the least amount of blaming and the one who had the greatest capacity to take responsibility for his or her own emotional being and destiny. I began to coach the ‘leader’ alone, letting the rest of the family drop out and stay home. I stopped trying to get people to communicate or find better ways to manage their issues. Instead, I began to concentrate on helping the leader to become better defined and to learn how to deal adroitly with the sabotage that almost invariably followed any success in this endeavor. Soon I found the rest of the family ‘in therapy’ whether or not they came into my office.
I then started to function this same way with organizations, regardless of their nature, their purpose, or their size. I stopped collecting mounds of data, trying to foster team building, focusing on difficult people. I stopped polling workers or going around the different divisions. Instead, I concentrated on working with only one or two leaders at the top.
Next, I began to establish leadership seminars emphasizing the self-differentiation of the leader rather than focusing on method and technique. But this type of focus on self-differentiation, I also learned, is not easy to foster, especially when society’s own emotional processes are in a state of regression. Frankly, it is easier to focus on data and technique. Yet, at this point, I am convinced that to the extent leaders of any family or institution are willing to make a lifetime commitment to their own continual self-regulated growth, they can make any leadership theory or technique look brilliant. And, conversely, to the extent they avoid that commitment, no theory or technique is likely to succeed for very long.”
We the BTL builders are gardeners. We are here to provide the conditions for your growth. We cannot make you into something you are not, any more than a gardener can plant the seeds for strawberries and turn them into watermelons. Our job is to provide the conditions for you to grow into, well, Y.O.U. and we know that only a few of you have the desire to completely blossom. Most just want to be left alone and produce whatever fruit comes “naturally.” So, when you notice the BTL builder spending an inordiant amount of time pruning, watering, and focusing on only a few – all you’ve got to do is ask for some attention to come your way. As gardeners we won’t bury you when you do. But, remember, It doesn’t look that way when you see someone being pruned. Good…
BUILT TO LEAD 
So good.