Day 7: Big Five Fears…

Fear is the default energy system that most humans run on. In day 7, Don Brown brings clarity to the fears that we all experience. Normal humans fears. Here was one of mine, and it was deeply rooted for a long time: Fear that I wouldn’t be loved for who I fully am. This was fear of death at the root – death of relationships that mattered to me.

So I tiptoed around aspects of who I am. I compromised, closed off and cut away aspects of my identity to become more palatable for others. I made up for it in other areas (or convinced myself I did anyway) by being fiery as hell. I was angry and easy to offend, and it came out in ways I didn’t always control. This fear drove a lot of my behaviors for a very long time. It doesn’t anymore, and in fact it’s no longer a fear. Why? The formula is simple, not easy.

I took on acute pain. First, the acute pain of looking within and writing a lot. Am I good with who I am? Do I KNOW who I am? I clarified what I believe about living life on my terms, who I want in my circle, what I believe about those who see life differently. I made peace with myself, my identity.

Once I was clear, I started to line up my behaviors with my beliefs, with my identity. And guess what? Some of my fears did come true – some people, including loved ones, weren’t (and aren’t) comfortable with who I am and how I live. So that brought a whole new round of writing and good hard learning. And now? I’m at peace, truly at peace, with my world. Some aren’t in my life in any meaningful way. Some the relationship has changed. Some we’ve grown closer. I’m at peace with all of it. I always have a choice, and so do you.

You can let your fear dictate your actions and slowly build a cage around yourself. Or you can get clarity on who you are, what you believe, and tackle fear head-on one productive action at a time. I’ve learned that in this life cages only lock from the inside.

I can’t promise your fears won’t come true or that they won’t be incredibly hard to tackle. I only know that on the other side of them is joy, love, freedom, and peace. I frickin love who I am, who I’m becoming (forever a WIP), the life I live and who I get to live it with. Fear may rear its head again. In fact I know it will. When it does, I’ll take it head on with gusto. The life I have and the life I’m building is worth it. What about you? What fear needs to be faced head on? What clarity do you need to get? Giddy up and get after it. Your life is waiting for you to live it.

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