Looking back and dreaming ahead…

This 8 day cycling adventure was humbling and enlightening. The mind and body are not what they once were. Been in denial (mostly been a good thing too). The first day was the worst day. Never felt that badly on a bike, even counting my heart attack ride. My turning left did not feel like giving up, it felt like wisdom winning (and a little ego dying). Victory, in the strangest of ways.

Day 2 – 7 the body and mind felt in sync. I pushed myself but within limits. Heart, lungs, and legs worked as best they could. My mind accepted there are new limits and two summit days were not in the cards unless they were category climbs (not Hors category – which translates to out of category). The legs feel really good today as I sit and gaze at Lake Annecy for one, long, last time. The heart responded so, so effectively to the challenge given it. Thankful and filled with gratitude for the miracle that was – March 27, 2021. The tiny twigs (gift from Marie) did as much as could be expected from them. The strong core kept low back pain at bay, never once felt even a twinge of a tug there.

Little little’s leg device was a gift too. Actually, watching him work was a greater gift. He went through physical and mental hell the last few years. Body betrayed him in so many ways (live long enough it will happen to you too). He did not give up. Didn’t give an inch really (doesn’t have many inches to give either :)). Every morning I would watch him get himself ready. Could sense his fear and anticipation put his nerves on alert but never pushed into panic. He controlled his effort and pushed just enough. Knew when to say enough and when to go for more. Was a pure pleasure to be with him and watch him work.

Day 8 came quickly. We were set to do two memorable climbs and my body/mind were ready and there was juice in the tank, a lot actually. Upon waking all I could think of was the three hours in the car to and from the climb and then the 90 minutes in the car to Annecy. The 3.5 – 4 hours on the bike did not tip the scales. Thinking of Aedán James did. Reflecting on my Miss, did. Could not stop thinking about the two of them and the feeling of missing another precious moment with them. Suddenly the final summits allure was lost.

Completely.

Changed my mind. There would be no 8th day on the bike, at least not on the mountain. Instead, I departed, via cab after a send off breakfast with the boys, for Lake Annecy and my family there. No regrets, only anticipation. After second breakfast with Annie, Ek, Miss, and Aedán, we got on our e-bikes and rode halfway around Lake Annecy. They finally let me have the baby on my bike! Was pure pleasure. What a gift, you know.

So, it was a great cycling adventure this time ‘round. Quite different, however, from at age 50, 55, and 60. I am a different man now. Still tough. Still demanding of self and others. Still desiring of the challenge of doing hard things with people who desire likewise. And, more tender toward those few I love. More aware of kairos and less stuck in chronos. I made time for what was most precious and allowed my mind to change without the sense of dread of missing an artificial measurement of my making. Seven days of cycling the mountains was not a missed metric. Instead, it was perfect. Damn.

I’m already dreaming of the next adventure. It will feature more integrating of work and life. There will continue to be challenge and contentment wrestling for control. There will be time with family, friends, and clients. Will cheat them all, just not equally. More mountains to conquer, or maybe just to enjoy. In fact, I’m not thinking of conquering anything or anyone much at all. This trip was a great reminder of ancient truth – the greatest victories are the victories within (Thanks, Plato). Life is hard, beautiful, and brief. Do not get so busy chasing metrics you forget to slow down for life’s meaning. You choose. Your choices have consequences.

See you on a climb soon, my friends. Don’t forget to wave as you go by. I’ll be the one with a big grin pushing a granny gear. Aedán will be behind me, just not for long.

Live hard. Love harder. Much harder…