Relationships cannot be healthy without both parties embracing some loss of self. This always involves acute pain. And, we’re over tuned to our own loss of independence; our partners, not so much. This is why we’re horrible at keeping score in close relationships. I feel every slight like I’ve been cut to the bone and can’t understand why my loved ones make such a big deal out of a whole bunch of nothing…
Relationships, if they are to thrive and stand the test of time, will be led by someone who has built a forgiving heart. “Forgiveness,” as C.S. Lewis said, “is a good idea until there is someone to forgive.” All forgiveness involves the forgiver bearing the suffering instead of getting even. This is why revenge feels so much better than letting your loved one off the hook. Real forgiveness puts the forgiver on the hook which hurts like hell – for awhile.
Peace is possible when someone leads with forgiveness, STOPS keeping score, ignores their own justice thread, and bears the burden because they want to.
This is also why, I believe, Jesus took our place on the cross and why it must of hurt like hell knowing He did nothing to deserve such a heavy burden. We can be assured when we attempt to do likewise, He won’t allow us to go it alone and won’t load us up with more than we can take. There is peace on the other side. It’s possible.
Letting your loved one off the hook cannot be done on your own for long. However, doing so can give you more than getting even. God knows, forgiveness can be Freakin’ magic. God, help me embrace this. God, help me. Thanks for modeling the way. Amen.
Live hard. Love harder…
BUILT TO LEAD 
When we take revenge we eliminate God’s plan for that particular situation.