Love and loss are intertwined…

C.S. Lewis wrote a beautiful book about the power of love. The Four Loves, is one you must read over and over to begin to understand the depth of this reservoir inside each of us. I, by no means, know what I’m writing about. Still a neophyte learning to love. 

Here’s what I’m currently learning. Love and loss are intertwined. 

My idea of the ideal wedding ring would be to somehow meld silver and gold in such a way as to keep each metal whole while combining perfectly into one. Both beautiful on their own. Better together somehow through the melding process. When we love we combine. We come together. We also lose. We lose our individuality when opening our heart to another’s influence. We lose some autonomy when we put others needs before our own. We lose our ability to be a self contained unit. We become inherently more vulnerable. More susceptible to painful wounds brought from another by accident, misunderstanding, or purposefully to retaliate from pain we’ve somehow sent their way.

The crucible is painful and beautiful. The process is painful. Combining anything comes at a price. The outcome is beautiful and fragile. All love must be cared for, cultivated, tended to. Life gets in the way. Good intentions. Forgetfulness. Growing families. Time. Assuming too much or too little. 

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.”    Taken from The Four Loves, by C.S. Lewis

This is true for the love of your life. True for all the loves in your life. Your teams will hurt your heart. Leaders will hurt your heart. Friends will too. Family members, of course. Social media influencers and critics? You betcha. Clients? Damn straight. Love and loss are intertwined. Expect and accept. Here’s another loving reminder from a world changer who left a large legacy of love…

“People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self centered,

Forgive them anyway

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.

Be kind anyway

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.

Succeed anyway

What you spent years building may be destroyed overnight.

Build anyway

If you are honest people may cheat you.

Be honest anyway

If you find happiness people may be jealous.

Be happy anyway

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. 

Do good anyway

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough.

Give your best anyway

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God.

It was never between you and them anyway”

Sign on a wall of a children’s home in Calcutta, cited by Mother Teresa.

I shared this poem with a few clients as we celebrated the Christmas season together. Brought perspective. The dream life is not about pleasing people. It’s about seeing your gifts in service to The Giver – not mere mortals who have much more on their mind than acknowledging your contribution or effort. 

Love and loss are intertwined. Accept this. Focus on love. Expect loss. Look up and be grateful. Look around and count it all joy. Look down and lend a hand. Together we transform. Always together. Damn.

Live hard. Love ❤️ harder. Much harder…