If there is one thing I would love to change about my hard wiring it’s the down on self cycle. This deeply engrained pattern reaches as far back as I can remember in my life and reared its ugly head lately. The cycles vary in length, but they are not quick to pass. I’m in the process of doing some deep work to better understand what is at the root of this pattern but here is the best way I can describe the chasm that sits between hard on self and down on self.
Hard on self imbeds the appropriate amount of discipline and anxiety to initiate action. The clearer my CORE and OPUS have become over the last decade, the easier it is for me to kick into gear to make forward progress in work and life with productive action. This is when a little anxiety is a motivating factor to improve our life circumstances with strategies we know that work. Hard on self, for the most part, is a useful tool.
Down on self is not. It’s paralyzing in its nature. It puts you on your heels and for me into rumination mode. A “how could you do that” or “how could you put yourself in this position” headspace. It can lead to swirl, spiral, and escapism. It’s a dangerous place to stay for long. It’s imperative to break this pattern before it breaks you. Easier said than done.
I really don’t have the answers for how to cross the chasm but here is my best guess:
- Try to understand what the down on self cycle is trying to teach you. Many times, it’s a repetitive lesson that we must be reminded of or it’s a scar we have to heal. Either way, the brain cannot learn very well in the down on self cycle. But if you can get that glimpse of an insight, carry it with you across the chasm to the hard on self side of the equation.
- Grace. I’ve only told a few people about this but I was raised in a very conservative Catholic Church and I don’t think I ever heard this word until about 2 years ago. I’m sure I “heard it” but never understood it. I like to think I’m good at giving grace out abundantly to others. With myself? Borderline non-existent. Is this a learned skill? Maybe. But it begs the question why can I give it freely to everyone but myself? No idea.
If you are in the camp that must deal with this internal dichotomy, I hope this rant was helpful. I’ll report back if I learn a better set of tools to get on the right side of the river. Give a little grace to yourself today and stay on your toes.
BUILT TO LEAD 