After observing my client for a number of sessions and seeing a pattern that could be improved, I decided to hit him. I described his habit, gave him a couple specific examples of its use and told him why I wanted him to “wire” up a better one. He resisted by justifying his behavior. I stopped his excuse midstream. I reminded him that he was now “spinning” his words toward me.
He stopped.
He asked me specifically what and how questions.
I asked him to tell me “why” he thought I wanted him to wire up a better communications habit. I made sure he had clarity around the “why.” Once convinced, I told him to practice saying this. I was very specific and, as always, was practicing being clear, concise, and direct. We will inspect this new habit together until it’s a habit of his heart. Very cool.
Most building/coaching is just like this. The change from one habit to another is always met with resistance. The emotional brain must go first. When trying to change one of your habits remember that you must get to the “why” first. This is always emotional. It just is.
Once you get the emotional piece right, then direct yourself or the person you are coaching with a very specific “what,” or “how.” We don’t deal well with ambiguity around the change. We need to know something specific to habituate.
I told my client to stop saying “this,” and, instead, to say “that.” Behavior modification is not the aim. Deep change is. Deep change comes when we deeply understand the “whys.” Make sense?
Tell me more, my friend.
Tell me more…
BUILT TO LEAD 
I feel compelled to tell you… I always think about commenting on your blogs and I have no excuse that I never do… I LOVE what BTL teaches and preaches, but more importantly the implementation of ACTION. To really change your habits, is always easier said than done and it takes a lot of courage. I see humans taking the path of less resistance often, I do it myself and that is just silly. I made the personal goal not too long ago to seek out my strengths and do what I love without taking into consideration the financial burden. My first issue was, I have no idea what would make me “work-happy,” conceptually I think it would be a place where I feel I am valued and I know what I do matters, no matter what the “do” is… What I have noticed thus far is almost, if not comical… I have been working as a temp and noticed quite a few companies are also operating under the “conceptual “ideal. They try to suck you in with the desired casual environment, you can even wear jeans and take your lunch hour as you deem appropriate and wait… they even have reduced rated snacks in the break room! Sounds pretty nice, but I hear the same melody line, everyone feels overworked and under paid. Are they overworked and under paid? I cannot answer that, but that is how they feel. If the CEO, President, Head Muckidy Muck came to your cube to ask about your life… family… etc… I am quite certain it would mean much more than being able to wear jeans to work… why is it easy to pass policy, but so hard to relate?
Thanks Amanda for sharing your thoughts. We appreciate your attention and your kind words. Your words compelled me to respond. Coming soon…