The art of “being with”…

Masters in building strong, interdependent, and transformational relationships are a rare breed.  These leaders have been building mastery in ALL the essentials and have been facing their fears, closing their integrity gaps, and illuminating their blind spots with rigorous discipline.  They are not necessarily masters of solving the problems that surround them.  They are, however, masters of solving their own…

Problems, that is.

Masters in building strong, interdependent, and transformational relationship are emotionally mature.  One of the simple and really hard habits these masters have built is the ability to “get comfortable being uncomfortable with another.”  Let me attempt to explain…

Masters understand that all relationships that build real strength will be laced with conflict.  Iron cannot sharpen iron without one being “abrasive.”  Masters understand that this is just the way we’re built.  Masters sit in and get comfortable being uncomfortable with another.  Great husbands get comfortable simply “being with” their bride when she is hurting, angry, emotional, and even when she’s directing her venom toward them.  They just do.  This is so simple, and so hard.

Normal men, run.  Normal men, run to the bar, to the barn, to a game, to some form of distraction.  Normal men, tend to mask their pain with some garden variety of addiction. Normal men, run away from their woman the moment it gets uncomfortable.

Normal women, ruminate. Normal women talk to their divorced friends, their facebook  friends, their coworkers, their neighbors, and they “chew the cud,” repeatedly with one support group after another.  Normal women, tend to ruminate their way into some form of depression. Normal women move away from their man and, sadly, tend to blame and shame themselves.

You and I do NOT want to become normal.  Funny, huh…

Strong, interdependent, and transformational men and women learn how to become comfortable being uncomfortable.  Strong leaders learn how to become comfortable being uncomfortable with their team.  Strong couples, the same.

Strong couples have the same amount of conflict, remember, as the ones headed toward divorce.  Strong couples have come to understand that it’s easy to “be with” each other when it’s smooth sailing and when we’re working with a nice tail wind.  Strong couples understand that there will also be a number of moments when the relationship will be uncomfortable.  Strong couples have come to believe that during those moments, simply “being with” is all that is required.  They choose to practice “being with” without having to fix the situation or the other person.  This is really simple to understand and really hard to master.  Do you see it?

The truth is that building strong, interdependent, and transformational relationships can be done.  These relationships are built slowly, over time, and through adversity.  These relationships are built by leaders that are mastering the art of “being with.”

God, help me master the art of “being with.”

God, help me…